My Turning Point

When we as women do not know who we are in Christ, it leaves a void and a deep hunger within.

If this unaddressed area is not dealt with, it makes it easy for the enemy and every unhealed person we come into contact with to decide who we are and give us a false identity. That in itself is a dangerous place to find ourselves as godly women, when we allow unhealed people to be at the steer of our lives.

I remember many years ago, one Sunday morning going to the altar for prayer. Prophet Hennie prayed over me and God showed him a mirror and me standing in front of the mirror. He said that God wanted me to see myself the way He sees me. I remember sobbing uncontrollably, my heart torn to pieces and my face telling the story of a daughter who loved her heavenly dad with every fibre of her being, but also a daughter so deeply wounded and broken.

Looking back at that morning it was a turning point in my life. If only we know the heart of Papa God for the rejected, the wounded, the betrayed, the prodigal, the outcast, the ones still in their graves clothes. It is beyond human understanding how He never gives up on us, never lets go of our hands, even in our deepest sin, His love chases us down and draw us back to Him.

Some times we make the DECISION to change and then there are times that a DECISION is made on our behalf. Mine was a mixture of the two. After finding out about the infidelity of my husband, I just knew that there had to be something more to the mediocre life that I was living. It was only when I went through my personal wilderness journey with God, that I began to understand the heart of Papa God for the wounded and hurting ones. 

Alone, away from all eyes I began to see myself through His eyes, and what I saw and experienced would change the course of my life forever. It was like a light bulb has been switched on over me and for the first time in my life I saw what Papa God saw and knew all along, that I was precious in His sight, altogether lovely and beautiful and that God was madly in love with me, a daughter in pain. 

What a journey it was, painful but so worth it!!! I would not trade my wilderness for anything. The challenges and dying to self daily were tiresome and many times my past begged me to turn around, but I pressed through into Papa’s new for me. 

I had to do it for myself, my children and for every wounded person that would cross my path.

I want to encourage Papa’s beautiful daughters to step out into the unknown with Him. I always tell women that if I could make this brave decision, in my deepest pain, with no self confidence and identity they can too. Today I am mentoring and cheering other women on in their healing journeys and I love to share my testimony of how God transformed my life with His wild, untamed love. I did not deserve it, but still He thought I did.

It would never have happened had I clung to my past and pain. I love how Papa chose the weak and foolish things to confound the wise. How He looks for the one with the most issues to show His greatness. I love how Papa God always leaves the ninety nine to go after the one lost soul that happened to be me a few years ago.

— Ebigale Wilson

#EbigaleWilson #HolySpiritChats

I Want To…

For a moment I want to remember life through my childlike eyes, with their whimsical youthful lenses of pure active imagination.

I want to marvel unencumbered at a blade of grass, the movement of a bird, the height of a tree, the sound of the wind, how far away the clouds appear, truly appreciating their simple beauty without the adult need to mow, chop, shelter or protect.

I want to look at an empty street sidewalk and see the hopscotch opportunity, the big cardboard box and see the fort, the doll or stuffed animal and feel the mystical bond believing in their transformative magical powers and soul healing potential.

I want to play, to splash in mud puddles and roll in the wet grass and not worry about the mess.
I want to color whatever I want, whenever I want, and not have to be exact or in the lines.

I want to look at others with childlike innocence and truly admire their eyes, hair, and skin color, seeing their unique soul without adult-learned prejudice or judgment.

I want to experience the joyful intimacy of a hug, the openness and acceptance of holding hands.

I want to listen to a bedtime story and have someone else brush my hair.
I want to eat candy that is bad for me or spaghetti till my stomach hurts.

I want to remember what it is like to trust the world before I learned about hatred, violence and pain.

These days, when life gets too stressful or difficult, I love to look into the eyes of a newborn.
It restores my faith, gives me peace, and helps me to remember. ❤💕

——Vickie Mi Amor

The Emptying Of Me

Slow and strange
Fast and furious
Numb and nurtured
Waiting and wondering
Wailing and walking
Praying and pondering
Trusting and tears
Testing and transformation
Warm and whimsical
Cold and calculated
Real and ravenous
Raw and reckless
Bold and beautiful
Brave and bitter
Scattered and scheduled
Strategy and silly
Silence and safety
Direction and doubt
Spontaneous and structured
Communicate and contemplate
Surprises and sadness
Love and loss
Hollow and hope
Faith and flawed
Anchored and angry
Sweet and salty
Repentance and rebellion
Recover and rediscover

The Fullness of You and
The Emptying of me.

— Michelle Cosby Bollom

Restored Ministries