While On Vacation 


I took so much more home with me on this vacation……..

As I see so many people over indulging at an All-Inclusive resort on excessive food and alcohol, I am saddened at the neglected children running around while their parents get trashed. Sadly, I was one of those parents at one time but thankfully now I choose to abstain from all alcohol. Sometime even still though my over indulgences and selfishness can take me away from my family in other areas.  

I hear angry and short-tempered moms and dads nursing hangovers and screaming and cursing at their children. Some in languages I don’t understand but their body language and tones are clearly understood. Sadly, I was one of those parents at one time, and can still be short and not as gracious as I should. 

I witness several entitled and unruly children talking back to their parents, screaming and throwing fits. One little boy around 9 years old was so disrespectful to his mother calling her stupid and telling her to sit down and shut up over and over. I was shocked and speechless. 

I watch and listen to a dad playing ball with his son and notice the smile on his son’s face is not there- it has faded because each time his pitching and catching skills are not up to his dad’s unrealistic standards his dad makes him run sprints on the hot sand and calls him sissy and other derogatory names. The little boy is clearly not having fun, but is struggling for his dad’s acceptance and approval. Sadly, I was a task-master of a mother with unrealistic expectations too at one time. 

I see so many people checked out playing on their phones but sitting right next to their families. Couples sitting in strange uncomfortable silence.  As I celebrate 20 years of marriage this year, I too remember years of strange and uncomfortable silence and am so grateful for a good, solid and loving marriage now. 

At first I was so annoyed by seeing and witnessing all of this. I just wanted to read my book and quietly listen to the waves…I wanted to tune it all out but then I knew God was answering my prayer.  

You see, I had asked God to show me specific people through Divine Encounters that needed Him and If I could be his hands, feet and mouth this week. 

Suddenly, Carlos, the waiter comes up and hands me a water bottle and asks what I want from the bar. I say, nothing right now. He said, it’s not too early for alcohol. You sure?, I then say – I don’t drink alcohol. He asks surprised, you never drank alcohol? I say, oh no I did, I just don’t drink anymore. He asks when? A month? Why? How? He is very interested in the answer.  
I begin to share that I had a problem with alcohol and after having a dream and receiving a word from God I gave it up almost 4 years ago.   
He said, Oh I wish I could! I want to but I can’t, it’s so hard. 
I said- I can pray for you.  
He very excited and anxiously replies – Please!

So right there under a cabana on the beach I reach for Carlos’s hand and pray– 
God, deliver your beloved son from the bondage of alcohol. Give him the strength to resist the temptation. Help and deliver him now. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
With tears filling up in his eyes – he whispers-

Thank You So Much Senorita. 
I replied, Gracias, my pleasure.  

Can you all join me and pray for Carlos and for all the families, the children, the marriages and for any other areas we may find ourselves struggling in. 

Lord – give me your eyes and ears to see and hear. Help me not to be annoyed and quick to judge. Help me instead to remember all the ways you have delivered me, and have my first thought and reaction be to pray for those in bondage to be delivered too. 

~ XXOO Michelle Bollom 

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Winning The Race 


Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out before us. Hebrews 12:1 NIV

Last year, while on vacation at the beach, I recall watching my son race toward the shore just a half-step ahead of the waves that crashed behind him. Then he would turn and go back out toward the ocean, as far out as he could, chasing the water as it was pulled from the land. There he would stand and watch, with great joy, for the next wave which would pursue him back toward me.

The perseverance on his face entertained me, with a sweet delight, as I watched him outrun the ocean’s embrace.

He was completely consumed while demonstrating the innermost thrill of a little boy. Little did he know that he had captured my heart, and he seemed oblivious to my desire for him to win. He competed against the rolling waves for hours. His goal was to beat the ocean before it beat him.

A confident heart allowed him to run again and again to drier areas of safety. Not even for a moment, did he look back with doubt, question or fear. There was no hindrances that he couldn’t run around or jump over. He was truly invincible.

Knowing that he could win, against the thunderous waters, compelled him to race again and again.

Life is a lot like this as we compete against the obstacles in it. By choosing faith and acting in it, we gain a power within. We can run life’s race with confidence and finish it well. If we throw off the things that hinder us we can persevere toward the goal that is before us. We can live invincible in Jesus.

The best part of it all is that our Heavenly Father is watching. He experiences the faith that we have in Him and He delights in us. He helps us achieve the goals He sets before us. This is all done because of his love for us and His desire for us to win.

Dear Heavenly Father,

We praise you for being our biggest cheerleader and we thank you for loving us more than what we are capable of understanding.

In Jesus name, amen

~Baring His Beauty,

Tiffany Thomas

A Time For Everything 


“There is a time for everything.”

I think I’ve heard this phrase over 100 times. I’ll be honest, I haven’t always appreciated it, but I found myself rejoicing in it this week.

In one glorious day my oldest daughter had her 23rd birthday, I attended the Baccalaureate service for my next oldest daughter, my middle-school daughter played her final softball game of the season, and my youngest daughter tumbled through her gymnastics recital. Oh, and my third-grade son competed in a track meet. Did I leave anyone out?

“Whew” allow me to take a breath as I recap the day.

Needless to say, I don’t believe I accomplished much at work. And that was okay . . . that day required time to participate in the various seasons of my children’s lives.

It hasn’t always been easy for me to just get up and go, choosing the right thing, over expectations of others, or of….myself.

But God has been speaking and my ears are perking-up in anticipation. I have no idea what awaits or where He will lead the next year, I dont even know what tomorrow will hold. What I do know for sure is that God has given me a new direction to my life. A new direction for His purpose.

For some reason, in this season, I find that I am at peace with this. There is actually an excitement stirring, even within this great unknown.

My faith and hope lie behind things yet unseen and I believe HIS treasures are hidden for those who believe to discover as we search for Him. Each new season is packed with new treasures to be found.

What season does the Lord have you in? What treasures are hidden for you to discover?

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV) says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you in thankfulness for every season that has brought, and continues to bring me closer to you. I rejoice in the ability to experience time, memories and your treasures. My heart is overjoyed in every new discovery of your wondrous nature. Thank you for every season, good or bad, because it allows me to understand more of you. May I continue to learn who you are in every season.

In Jesus Name Amen.

~ Baring His Beauty

    Tiffany Thomas

Hamburger Helper Grows Up 


I remember as a child in the 70’s we loved some Hamburger Helper. It was so good! 
Just Not so good for you….

Every once in awhile I will want to get the potato stroganoff one and I then I read the ingredients list and shudder and my conscience makes me leave it on the shelf. 

I have made my kids a homemade version of it before but it just takes way too many ingredients and time.  

Lately my kiddos have been wanting the cheesy greasy goodness of Hamburger Helper. Well, actually my adapted version since we stopped eating HH almost 10 years ago. 

So my version normally is all from scratch but sometimes I do opt for the box Mac N Cheese. When I go the “simple and quick” route with the box, I just don’t read the ingredients.  

I had some leftover ground sirloin that I sautéed with onions and threw in some more sautéed purple onions from the garden and a big chunk of Elephant Garlic with olive oil.  

Thankfully my kiddos like garlic and onions because we have lots of onions from my Mother In Laws garden right now and I always put enough to convince myself that it’s actually another serving of vegetables.  

Today  I wanted to save time and ingredients so I bought the store made Mac N Cheese box.

 I just didn’t read the ingredients list so my conscience stayed clear-but opted for this version since it promotes no artificial flavors or dyes etc. 


I boiled the noodles and threw all the ground sirloin, onions, garlic, herbs in with the cheese sauce and added a little steamed asparagus so they got another vegetable of course! 

So there you go- Dinner is done! 


Our Hamburger Helper Grows Up….
Just like my kiddos are in the blink of an eye.  

Makes for a happy and almost healthy dinner. 

What are you Cookin today? 
~ XXOO Michelle Bollom 

Patient Endurance 


Patient Endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. ~ Hebrews 10:36 NLT

Years ago the Lord brought me to this verse. It was one of those verses that “Jumped Off” the page at me so I decided to look up Patient Endurance in the dictionary to see what exactly that looked like. I printed it out and had it posted for years. It has become one of my Life Verses and again God has brought it back in this season and asked me to share it. 
The definitions of Patient Endurance, I love what it reveals:    

Patient

Adj. adjective
1. Capable of Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, annoyance, provocation, misfortune, delay, hardship, etc., with fortitude and calmness and without complaint, anger, or the like

2. Tolerant; understanding.

3. Persevering; constant.

4. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or result; not hasty or impulsive. 

Endurance

n. Noun
         1. The act, quality, or power of withstanding hardship, pain or stress.

2. The state or fact of persevering.

3. the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina: lasting quality; Continuing existence; duration  

This time of year I get summer fever and become tired and seem to be stuck on that hamster wheel of life. When I am going through the motions packing lunches, picking up dirty socks, being the carpool queen shuffling kids here and there and see the dust bunnies multiplying and the gym guilt screaming in my ears, but all I really want to do is throw my hands up order some pizza and watch mindless TV. 

 Remember the old Calgon commercial and how it tried to convince us a bubble bath was all it takes to restore us to sanity…I just have to say, a bubble bath never has done that for me! I always seem to get interrupted by my peeps and if I happen to take one while everyone is gone I always have a crazy fear of if I fall and hit my head and then what? I don’t want the fire department to break in and find me butt naked

 Yes, I sometimes go there, playing those crazy scenarios in my mind. I have to say the crazy traffic in my head has slowed a lot over the years. The pity party’s too have stopped, I don’t feel like giving in most days to the pizza and TV, I instead choose to get through with God’s Word. 

 When I concentrate on what He says and let those words sink deep into my heart and soul, then I feel like I can easily rock that Hamster wheel of life. Kind of like those furry Hamster things in the KIA commercials heads bopping to a funky beat. Like OK, I think I got this! 

 When people tell us to stop complaining and nagging and lovingly remind us how fortunate we are to have a great family with a grateful husband and kiddos. That you have the luxury of staying home so go back to bed if you have to. Take a nap if you need to, real friends don’t mind the dust bunnies, dirty socks will always be found and you are grateful for the feet that left them there. It won’t be long before those kiddos will have their own driver’s license and can run your errands. The gym is always there and sometimes God is wanting you to work out different muscles today so don’t beat yourself up over it.

 I am so Thankful God’s word reminds me, you are capable of bearing, enduring, with fortitude and calmness WITHOUT complaint, anger or the like. You have the ability and strength to continue and last, despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions. Then you will receive all He has promised! And His word is chalked full of promises my friends! Crack it open and let the words JUMP OFF and JUMP ALL OVER YOU. His word is the Only thing that fully Restores & Transforms us. ~ XXOO Michelle Bollom

*orginally wrote this in 2014 before we set up our blog.  Dusting off some oldies!  Thanks to my friend Kim for sending me this image.  I get a giggle every time I see it! 

Love By Discipline 


Some time ago, I was caught off guard in regards to the importance of discipline. And God showed me where He instructs about it in Hebrews.

“We have all had fathers here on earth who disciplined us, and we respected them. So it is even more important that we accept discipline from the Father of our spirits so we will have [eternal or true spiritual] life.” Hebrews 12:9. (EXP)

My childhood was one of frequent and what seemed to be merciless encounters of discipline from parents who thought they were doing their best, at that time. I believe now that my parents meant to express love through their disciplinary actions but were without the tools to express such love.

Though I have reconciled with my painful past, as an adult, I have struggled with the harsh reality of flashbacks and have errored in the opposite direction. I realized that my skewed thoughts of discipline were, in part, responsible for creating a negative result in one of my daughters.

My fears of rejection and abandonment had allowed me to become lax in my parenting. Subconsciously, I thought my children had suffered enough through various life changes which had been unexpected and undesirable. I didn’t want to interject any more pain into their experience.

Slowly, over time, I became tolerant of things that I should have guarded against. I began to allow a little too much of this . . . and a little of that . . . until I found myself making excuses for their poor behaviors. Oh, you know, like, “they were too tired or upset” or “maybe they didn’t understand the direction provided.”

But then, unruly behaviors were growing as a direct result.

I never meant for my excuses, or enabling to create such changes in character. I obviously had not considered how their life would be effected in the absence of boundaries and clear expectations. In addition, I had not considered that it was developing a negative impact in their lives until things were simply out of control and I didn’t understand why . . .

But God has an amazing ability to draw me close to his heart. In a moment of closeness he provided an answer to my prayerful searching. He reminded me that He built consequences into the very fabric of nature and that even really great excuses do not prevent poor attitudes from yielding poor results. Even God disciplines the ones He loves for our own good, so that we might truly be his child and live, so that we may inherit and experience eternal life.

 “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11 NIV

There is a clear purpose for our lives…..and it requires discipline.

It made me think about the pain that I have afflicted on the heart of my Heavenly Father at each and every unruly action he was calling me out of.

It provided a new understanding about discipline, it gave me a new way to look at how God loves.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for giving us your word as a source of direction for each and every moment that arises in question. Thank you for disciplining us out of love, and providing a way to live by your instruction. Father, forgive us when our hearts become unruly. Guide us back to your ways and offer a chance to learn more about the harvest of righteousness and peace. I give you praise and glory for all that you are, all that you say and do, and for teaching us who we are to become in you.

In Jesus Name, Amen.
~ Baring His Beauty,

Tiffany Thomas

Out Of Bounds 

  
I stood before home plate, the heat from the August south Texas sun beaded upon my brow. My gut was wrenched, drawn up tight, hiding behind my rib cage. Two strikes against my oldest brother’s fast ball …… and 3 out of bounds fouls. This was the last chance for my 6 year old brother and I to have a fighting chance against my two oldest brothers. In the final inning, and potentially, the final play of the game, the ball rolled towards me, bouncing as it pulsed across the uneven surface of our front yard. I watched with great anxiety and intensity as it raced towards the dip in the ground, the one that made it bouncy and unpredictable as it barreled towards me. Four bounces once it hit the dip …. Counting, 1, 2 …… 3 … 4. A split second and it’s reached its destination.

 

I reared back my right leg, with all the severity and force my 38 lbs. could muster. It’s do or die time. This time I’m going to DO!

 

Competitive sports have never been mine to enjoy. I’ve always been scrawny, weak, the last to be picked for the team. I never really minded. I have never had a competitive, “gotta beat the other guy,” mentality. I’ve never even wanted to be best in my field. In fact, I’m so much more content to be behind the scenes, making things happen in a way that you don’t see me. I’m totally content to be the jack of all trades, but the master of none.

 

UNLESS, it involves my walk with God or my family.

 

If you’re curious, I bombed the last play of that kick ball game. Fourth foul got me out. My little brother and I lost the game because I was out of bounds.

 

Now I know I ended that game on a very undramatic note. I have always remembered that game as such …. Undramatic and lost as usual, due to my lack of strength, control, and ambition …. Nothing new to me at that age.

 

As God has been dealing with me about personal boundaries these past few weeks, this particular image from the scrapbook of my childhood has replayed over and over again in my head. At first I thought it was about the unfair odds of the two oldest boys against the two youngest, most feeble of the family. I didn’t seem to get anything from that line of thinking, although an entire novel could be written on the meanness of big brothers!

 

I started thinking about a competitive spirit. Maybe God was telling me I’ve become too competitive and wanting to win something or beat someone out of pride. Or maybe, He was wanting me to obtain that spirit of needing to win. Hahaha, yeah right. That’s not it. For 2 weeks I was stumped. All the noticeable, important factors one could see about that story were not hitting home on what He wanted to show me.

 

A few days after rejecting the idea I might need a more competitive spirit, we had storms moving through our area. I was remembering how years ago, I had warned my parents, who were vacationing in the Uvalde area one summer, to evacuate when we had lots of rain. I told them, “The little creeks are dry, low areas will flood and expand their boundaries. The river will rise quicker than you can blink. Get out now, before you’re stuck and in danger. “

 

That one thought had nothing to do with kick ball. It was irrelative to being competitive, winning or losing. It had to do with boundaries.

 

God said, “Even the mountains and seas have boundaries. How much more so, do you?”

 

For two months I have been struggling with the unpredicted situation of compromise on personal boundaries as a single parent. I’ve been fighting a stress I didn’t realize was there, until I realized how much I was compromising. The sad part is, I was compromising my own boundaries to accommodate the desires of my child. This makes it ten times worse!

 

Example: Sam loves games. All games. Card games, video games, computer games, board games. They entertain him because he is an only child. On Holly Mountain, this was curbed to a degree, because I had time and (sometimes) energy, to accommodate and play with him. Since I’ve been working and he’s been in school, there is naturally, less time (and energy) to fill the void that every child has to be entertained. And, like any kid, Sam has always pushed the limits on everything. If I say, “You can’t eat that, it’s not good for you.” He will ask, “Why isn’t it good for me? How much can I eat and get away with before it becomes NOT good for me?” Lately, he has taken this approach on video games. For months he has hounded me about relaxing my standards and personal convictions on violence and language.

 

To be true to myself and my audience, I have to tell you, I caved. Not just once, but twice. TWO games I knew I didn’t want him to play, I didn’t just let him play, I bought them ……… Thinking I would appease the need, and that would be the end of it. Honestly, I got them just to shut him up. If that’s not good parenting, I don’t know what is, haha ………..

 

Yeah right.

 

After a few weeks of hearing words that made my ears bleed, repeatedly telling him to skip that, mute this and “just put on your head phones,” because I didn’t want to see or hear ANY of it, he started asking for more. More games that offended every part of MY spirit man.

 

I became impatient. Stressed. I nagged him about the content (that I allowed him to play, mind you), and complained how he was never content when I gave in just a little. I told him his expectations were WAY out of bounds.

 

I was wrong.

 

God told ME, “YOU are way out of MY boundaries.”

 

My stress was fighting this conviction that I had violated as a parent. I did wrong. I compromised. I had to fix it. But how? I had already given consent. How do you undo bad parenting?!

 

You ask forgiveness. And you PRAY!

 

I stopped nagging Sam. It was my fault. It was, pure and simple. So, I quit blaming the kid. I allowed God to re-educate me in the boundaries of yesteryear …… how and why they were/are important. The big question was, HOW to get back to them.

 

For months I had avoided the subject, got upset at Sam for pushing the limit (literally several times every day) or simply tried to ignore it all together …… Then once I got my heart right, God came through (OF COURSE!) and I got my answer.

 

Par for the course of our evening, Sam brought up a game he wanted, but knew I wouldn’t approve. Rather than lecture or argue with him, God dropped this simple reply in my heart, which I repeated to Sam.

 

Why are you asking me? You already know how I feel. How do YOU feel about the content of this game? Do you think it’s something God would approve of?” He said, “No.” I replied, “Then why are you asking ME? Are you trying to justify doing something you know is wrong just because I said it was ok?” He said, “No.” I said, “If you are old enough to accept Christ as your savior, and old enough to know that what you are asking for isn’t something God would approve of, then I’d say you’re old enough to know it’s God’s will you should be seeking, instead of the faulty judgement of your mother. Pray about it. Instead of asking ME why I hate this stuff so much, maybe you need to ask yourself why you desire it so much. I am not your savior, Jesus is. If I have to make the final call, I will. But I’d like to see you pray through this and see where it leads you first.”

 

For the first time in months, I had silence from my son on the subject of video games.

 

As insignificant as a 3 inch sideline might seem, it can make or break the game. I’ve taken back my boundaries. In doing so, I have enabled my son to create his own.

 

Do justly, love mercy, walk HUMBLY with your God.

 

 ~ Sandra K. Yates 

Dismissed To Determined 

  
Behind the Smile: In Search For My Daddy!
(Dear daddies, sons and daughters need you. They need your presence and love.)

A daddy sets the tone for other relationships in his daughter’s life, he is her first role model, and he should be the first man to tell her- I LOVE YOU!  
I didn’t know my daddy as a little girl, but at some point I met my dad- and he often welcomed me with the words of “You are going to be a dumb broad just like your mom!” WOW! Here’s how those words affected me.

Those words became permanently etched in my brain and subconsciously, I almost accepted them as truth. So, I spent most of my life proving to other people that I was not dumb, and that in fact I was quite smart (and so was my mom- she was brilliant). I spent years fighting to: be cream of the crop, a leader, head of the class, easy on the eye…I kept on fighting. What did most of you see? You saw my smile.  

In turn, I became addicted to the approval of others. I became addicted to the art of perfection. I became addicted to older men. I became addicted to money. I became addicted to emotionally uninterested and unattainable men. I became emotionally unavailable. I became unattached. I became distant. I became very critical. I became lonely. I became cold. I became a hard friend. I become no one’s friend. And then I abandoned others –why? Because over and over he abandoned me. He abandoned me with his words and with his actions. 

All of my life, I was searching for my daddy’s love and I was expecting it to show up in other people. Well it didn’t. I discovered that it was necessary for me to try something else. That’s when I started seeking the FATHER’s face and my heart began to heal. The more and more I developed a relationship with GOD I was given an example of how to express unconditional love. I went from feeling Dismissed to being Determined, feeling Devalued to being Devoted, Feeling Dissatisfied to being Disciplined.
This is why I Smile.

       ~Lereca Monik 

#11AMSmile #LearningToLoveYourself #anewme #anewyou#lerecasmiles #itstimeforachange #liverestored# maven2016 #youreign

Emotional Equilibrium 

  
Friendly Tip: “Reclaim Your Emotional Equilibrium”

 
About a week after giving birth to LeReine, I had this overwhelming feeling of anxiousness because I was excited about being a mother. I felt like I had finally accepted (well somewhat accepted) that my life would look very differently forever.

 
When I thought about my future with LeReine, I was overjoyed! I experienced so much joy that I wanted to cry.  

 

Wait, have you ever experienced being so overjoyed that you wanted to cry? Did you over analyze the situation? Yes this was my moment too.

 
Frankly, I wanted to boooo-hooo! When I thought about this level of crying I started to over analyze why I was crying, then I tried to hold back the tears. I quickly realized that crying was necessary at this particular time. So guess what? I cried…I probably cried for an entire day, maybe an entire week. LOL.

 
You too will experience this same moment when you have given birth to your baby. You will experience a moment of joy and then you might feel like you need to cry. LET IT OUT! Cry.  

 

I learned that crying is not necessarily a sign of weakness, it is actually a sign that you need to “Reclaim Your Emotional Equilibrium.” For some reason, I was afraid of crying (maybe because of my A-Type personality). You too might feel like you don’t want to cry; and you need to, so cry it out!
 

Ask GOD for the answers. He will let you know if it is time to rebalance your emotions. When you do, you will find rest in him. Until next week,

 

Good Night Friend.

Lereca Monik 

 
Scripture Reading: Psalms 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

 
Friendly Activity: This week get alone and ask GOD to show you what you need to release. Give yourself permission to cry it out. Journal the experience.    

Down The Drain 

  
Banging clanging and dust slanging had my nerves shot! 

Termites

Yes, those pesky critters have had a feast with my master bath tub and shower wall.

I had a crazy 2015 and I was hoping to have this all resolved before the New Year, but it turned out to be a bigger mess than originally thought so here I was day one of more contractors and repairs starting in our home.  

As the day wore on I had gone too long between meals and my blood sugar had run low along with my patience.   

The entire wall was a crumbling pile of sawdust all the way to the roof beams! 

My pockets had already been turned completely inside out and frayed with no chance of any more hidden coins when I heard the words, it is going to cost more….

More

I did not have MORE to give- no my frayed nerves were already teetering on a tight rope.

More money???? … Money has been flying out the window faster and more fierce than toto caught up in a tornado in Kansas. 

I was trying to stay in peace but was now doing the cha cha between panic and peace when my daughter calls to inform me that the sputters in the van that is now my twins car was acting up. 

I could feel the heat rising as I realized I had to call more, drive more, give more of myself … To yet something else on my already really full plate.  
As I am getting a ride home from my mechanic I just wanted to cry on the poor guys shoulder about my days woes.
He probably wondered why I was in such a catatonic state and not my usual Chatty Cathy bubbly self. 

My hubby was closing so he would not be home for multiple hours. That was probably a blessing for him. 

As I still let the time fill in with more to do’s instead of food…the perfect storm was brewing….. 


A full almost 12 hours later since the banging clanging dust slanging started and well….just too much crapola to mention, had all started and filled my day….


I snapped! 
I don’t mean just snapped…
I mean I really really REALLY snapped! 

I unloaded like a machine gun and yes there were a ton of unworthy words flying about. I screamed at my daughter, then I screamed at my son. I turned into a crazy blubbering idiot with my hands flailing in the air. If I had my van I would have run away but I just had our jeep and I was too weak to drive stick shift.  
So I just kept freaking out wondering if I started sobbing and rocking in the corner would it freak out my kids too much and how many years that would add to the years of therapy they will already need one day…when suddenly my daughter yelled –Stop!  

It temporarily snapped me back to reality and then I kept going until again sternly she scolded me with a simple, yet very loud –“Stop Mom! Stop this and go take a shower.”

So like a scolded 2 year old, shocked, I held my head and silently walked up the stairs to the extra bathroom and closed the door. I dropped all my clothes and jumped in the shower. As the hot water poured over my very greasy and dusty hair and my unstable nerves and my really low blood sugar had me twitching, I slowly poured the shampoo and wanted nothing more than to simply go right on down the drain with all the shampoo, soap, and water.   

I wanted all the days jacked up messes to just vanish right down the drain too! I no longer wanted to deal with anything. 

As I stood in the shower trying to figure out how in a split second I lost all control. I thought:

Really? Really Michelle? What in the world? Was all my great Christian witness nothing more than unworthy word wounds inflicted now on my children? Oh yeah, and how about a F Bomb dropping ordained minister? Yeah that goes over real well like a turd in the punch bowl…..How can I be living for God and doing the Lords work and completely just nut plum up? How can I serve anyone Lord when I can’t even serve my family very well? I blew it! 

So I repented to God for what I had done, what I wanted to do, and what I hadn’t done that I should have. I didn’t make excuses for my blood sugar or pretend I had no clue what in the world just happened.   

Nope, I just said “I blew it! Lord, I was not even glimmering this time. My Light was not shining for You. No it full on burned out. It was busted and shattered just like a too hot light bulb. Father, Forgive me, I chose to curse and rant and rave instead of take anything to You. It was 100% a choice I made to lose it and let my flesh rule.   

Newsflash:

I am not nor have I ever intended to give anyone the false assumption or impression that I have it all figured out perfectly because I am a Christian. I still fail and fall daily! I post a lot of encouraging and inspiring posts mostly from my own life experiences and love the Lord deeply and try to Love others well, but I still can choose fleshly sinful unworthy behaviors. But my God is big enough to handle and forgive them ALL! 

I got done and went to apologize another time to each of my kids and gave them both a great big hug and kiss and asked God not to have them spend too many years in therapy trying to undo all my messes. 

And as I prepared for bed I reflected on my stress filled day. I thanked God for not leaving me and that there is no condemnation for those in Christ. I also thought of the gurgling of the drain and envisioned every worry and sin of the day being all washed down the drain. Even the soap that really should have been put in my mouth!   

Thank you Lord for Your Amazing Grace and Mercy. Thank You Lord for loving this imperfect sinner perfectly. Thank You for New Mercies each day. Thank You that when we take it all to You, You wash it all down the drain too. 
        ~XXOO Michelle Bollom