Fighting The Darkness

I feel it

My chest is collapsing

And I can’t breathe

Yes…I pray

I read the Word

But don’t tell me I need to do it more

Cause I swear you don’t know me

And if you do

You understand what I’m going thru

This is me daily

I fight to stay alive

As I’m at war with my own mind

Constantly it hurts

It never stops bleeding

This wound is beyond infected

I need a medic

Someone better get help quick

Cause I’m about to need it

Some say it’s all in my head

Most say nothing

Cause they don’t know

My fear is everyone thinks alike

Nobody really cares

As I fall repeatedly off the cliff

I’m bruised not broken

My heart is shattered

I’m not about to quit tho

I’ll pick up these pieces

Mend myself best I can

I know He’ll have to do the rest

Mental illness doesn’t limit

My ability as a person

I’m stronger than you think

I’ll get there eventually

So don’t be nice to my face

Then curse me out the door

Cause He knows and sees

More than you think He doesn’t,

You’ll get no apology from me

I’ve done nothing wrong

Unless being honest is a sin

In the Bible, please show me

~ Bethany Anne

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Houston We Have A ProblemĀ 

  
By now the world has heard of Houston, TX and the traffic distraction of the naked dancing queen. I admit I got a good chuckle out of all the Meme’s floating around the net. 

Interesting though that when I think of her… I feel this overwhelming sense of not only compassion but a sense of wonder and hope surrounding it.    

First I wondered how she kept her footing so well, as a larger woman myself, I know that was not an easy job, so I like to think she had some Divine assistance with that and protecting her from harm. 

Second, I wonder if the surrounding motorist were pissed because she had hindered them and taken up almost two hours of their time, or if they relaxed and just enjoyed the show or stopped and prayed for her and all the children that may have caught the show.  

Third, I even laughed because if you have been anywhere near Hwy 290 lately and the mess it already is with congestion and construction, it would make you want to strip your clothes off butt naked and run- not dance.  

I saw the lead image from a friends Facebook page that captured the shot of the lady’s pose with her arms stretched up over her head.  

I wondered….

Was she surrendering to the freedom she felt high above the other cars and distractions of her life, unhindered from the binding and restrictions of her clothes now shucked, and just experiencing the happiness of the breeze blowing away every care at that very moment? 

That was the thought that I wanted it to be for her, for me, for everyone watching…..

But sadly, I doubt she could grasp a hold of any thoughts. Her mind was either plagued by the demons that have been raging within her or possibly the drugs that altered her sense of acceptable behaviors when stuck in traffic.  

Rumors circled the net along with the meme’s that she was a psych patient that had left the hospital and other reports were that she was driving erratic and had caused two other fender benders before bailing out and baring all her goods before she climbed up that poor guys rig and began dancing to the music only she heard.

I can’t help but wonder, what music did she hear?

What message was this to deliver to us? 

Those offended and pissed, where was their empathy and compassion? 

All the YouTube videos, snap chats, tweets and Facebook posts swirling- but did anyone put down their phones, get out of their cars, and try to reach out to her instead of pointing and laughing? 

I am not sure why this is all swirling around in my head this morning but I do know that God has a plan for this. God has a message much deeper than all the surface skin level that we all saw and the world has seen now by all the media coverage.  

I believe that it just isn’t Houston, but the World that has a problem when others are not led to compassion or empathy for those hurting, regardless how they choose to express that pain.    

Dancing Queen, whomever and wherever you are I pray that in that moment of arms held high that you felt God in that breeze that hit you girl! I pray that the demons or addiction or just the mental break from whatever life’s events caused you to do this that you will come to know Christ, be delivered, set free and be renewed in your mind, and come to have the mind of Christ. I pray for the world watching that didn’t reach out or respond with empathy and compassion would get a good heart check. I pray for all the little eyes and others that just didn’t need to see all this that you would protect their minds. I pray that I will keep seeking the lessons you are wanting to share with me over all this.  Lord, forgive me when I only think of myself- let me be led to reach out more. 
                ~XXOO Michelle Bollom