Surrender

Your Mommy’s Alright,
Your Daddy’s Alright
they just seem a little bit weird…..

I loved me some Robin Zander & Cheaptrick back in the days. 

Surrender
Surrender 

But dont give yourself awaaaay….

Have you ever looked at the stance of someone who is surrendering?
Like on TV or Newspapers that portray people standing with their arms outstretched up high or on their knees with their arms bowing down low towards the ground. Policemen shouting “On The Ground!” And finally they are completely face down eating some pavement. Usually next we see a borage of officers jump and hold them down till they are handcuffed and bound.

They have given up their stand of whatever they were doing, things weren’t quite working out for them anymore. There is nowhere else to run and hide. They are now in a state of surrender, at the mercy of their captor. 

I started to think of that is exactly the same stance for how we are when we come to the Lord and Worship. 

I used to be a no hands lifter worshipper. Nope, I sang and would clap but that hand lifting stuff got a little weird for me.
Then I would lift my hands halfway no full on arm pit winking at my neighbor stuff.
Then eventually I progressed and would throw caution to the wind and let my arms raise all the way up my ole batwings flapping, hoping I had shaved my pits. 

I have not gotten on my knees much in public, only a few times that I recall. I know I was desperate for a word or touch from God when I did and didn’t care who was watching.
I do that at home some and I have also gotten smack dab flat on my face eating the carpet when I have reached the end of my rope and am needing God to save me from myself. No one jumps on me or puts their knee in my back and no binding of my hands. Thank God! 

I was the one binding my own hands – when I worship face down giving everything I got and am to God is when I actually feel the chains that held me bound start to disappear. 

I think the more we love God and the closer we get to Him our surrender …our Worship …changes and we change. We finally let go of our control and let God take us fully captive. We don’t listen to Robin, as the song says, we instead take great comfort in being able to give ourselves completely away to God. 

We raise our hands…we fall on our knees … and lastly we completely lay out face flat on the floor. We finally are willing to totally surrender our wills to God’s will. 

There’s nothing weird about that. 

What an awesome way to live! 

Lord, forgive me for the times I offer you anything less than my complete and total surrender. I want to be filled so full with You that there is no room left for me and my rebellious spirit. Help me to release all control. I want to be a Jesus freak; not a control freak. Put me on my face before you. Make me, Mold me, Shape me into what You will. I surrender All! Thank You for your grace and the freedom to worship You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen! 

~ XXOO Michelle Bollom

Reblog from September 2014

Find Your Voice

Do you struggle finding your voice?

Do you feel pressured into saying “yes” when inside you’re really screaming “NOOOOO!”

Do you say yes out of pressures or not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings? Do you complain and dread that you ever said yes to something? Do you make yourself miserable or compromise your integrity trying to get out of that dreadful yes you didn’t really mean?
Do you feel aggravated or upset at people or their actions? Do you get on the phone telling all your girlfriends about all your frustrations, but never address it directly with the person that upset you or hurt your feelings? Do you have a problem setting boundaries?


I love Joyce Meyer. She does not sugar coat anything. She talks about overcoming all these areas and so much more in real, sound, biblical ways. She has really been instrumental in my spiritual transformation over the years.

One of her books that really helped me years ago was Approval Addiction. I always thought of myself as a person that really could give a rat’s behind what other people thought, but I actually did all those things I just described above. I couldn’t find my true voice for most of my life.

I took all my frustrations to others or out on others. I filled my friends and families ears with all my frustrations, instead of taking it all to Jesus. What Joyce means by “Take it to the Throne instead of the Phone.”

I was horrible at setting boundaries too. I constantly let others poop in my yard till I got the courage to put up good fences. If they got through my fence, I got good at asking them to pick up and take their poop with them. (That is another amazing message by Momma Joyce on boundaries that I highly recommend.)

I was a stuffer. I stuffed my emotions for many years. I stuffed with food, shopping, and one compulsion after another. When I got so full from the stuffing my words and emotions, I finally erupted in anger. I would blow and everyone around me better take cover. I did not blow very much when I was younger, but when emotional stuffing and hormones and being a mother of twins got all mixed up together, it was like all the ingredients needed for a Mt. St. Helens type of blow. I am so thankful for recovery and Jesus. I still work the steps of recovering to this day.

Growing up I did not feel that I had the right to express my opinions if they differed from what I witnessed in those of authority around me. To disagree was to be hostile. To have your own opinion apart from others meant you had lost your ever loving mind. I remember having a differing opinion from my grandmother growing up and getting slapped across the face for it. I learned early on to get comfortable just going with the flow and pleasing others. I got real good at keeping it all inside and was not able to find my voice for far too long.

It wasn’t until going with the flow and not expressing my true feelings almost killed me. I felt like a powder keg about ready to explode most days, and most days I did blow! I started to resent others because I could not find my voice or set boundaries effectively. I was stressed out and ready to run far far away from it all. Fear kept me drowning in a sea of debt and food and misery.

Only God was able to take all that dysfunction and restore and transform it into something beautiful. His Spirit and His word will transform us if we let it.
A verse that speaks to me is Matthew 5:37;
Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37 NLT.

As a talker, that verse is not one that is very easy for me. I still have to surrender my words and mouth to God to let my words be worthy and few daily. Some days I am better at this and some day’s not so much. It is a learning and growing process. You can bet the more you focus on certain areas the more slip ups in that area you will experience. The evil one likes to use our words a lot.
It is a testing and purification process of ourselves making us to become more Christ like. God can use it all for His Glory if we let Him, but first we have to surrender our control and our mouth to Him. Only the Holy Spirit can work it all out through us if we let Him have His way.

When we can’t find our words, take comfort in these Promises!

I am the LORD your God, the one who brought you out of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. ~ Psalm 81:10 GWT


Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. ~ Colossians 4:6 NIV


Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say. ~ Exodus 4:12 NIV


May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and in His grace gave us unfailing courage and a firm hope, encourage you and strengthen you always to do and say what is good. (2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17 GNB)

If we take all our words and situations to God and ask Him to fill our mouth, we will be much better at saying:
I am sorry; I don’t have peace about that so I don’t believe that is God’s will for me.
No, that doesn’t work for me.
Let me pray about that and get back to you.
Yes, that works for me.
Yes, I would love to help you.
Yes, I will
No, I won’t
Yes
No
Or whatever else He needs us to say! 

Lord, help me to release every situation to You before I respond. Your ways and words are perfect Father. Open my mouth and fill it with what You will have me say. Forgive me for going against the rhythms of Your peace and perfect will. Teach me Your ways of setting the appropriate boundaries I need to. Forgive me for running off at my mouth. Show me areas I have built up bitterness and resentments that need to be released and help me to let them go. Forgive me for bypassing Your Throne and running to the phone. Let me see every situation as an opportunity to grow in Christ. May my words be worthy, truthful, and few. Let my Yes be Yes and my No be No. I thank You for changing me and helping me to find the right words and boundaries that help me flourish in this life. Transform me and restore me Lord. May my words always be seasoned with Your Love. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

~XXOO, Michelle Bollom

A reblog from September 2014

My Turning Point

When we as women do not know who we are in Christ, it leaves a void and a deep hunger within.

If this unaddressed area is not dealt with, it makes it easy for the enemy and every unhealed person we come into contact with to decide who we are and give us a false identity. That in itself is a dangerous place to find ourselves as godly women, when we allow unhealed people to be at the steer of our lives.

I remember many years ago, one Sunday morning going to the altar for prayer. Prophet Hennie prayed over me and God showed him a mirror and me standing in front of the mirror. He said that God wanted me to see myself the way He sees me. I remember sobbing uncontrollably, my heart torn to pieces and my face telling the story of a daughter who loved her heavenly dad with every fibre of her being, but also a daughter so deeply wounded and broken.

Looking back at that morning it was a turning point in my life. If only we know the heart of Papa God for the rejected, the wounded, the betrayed, the prodigal, the outcast, the ones still in their graves clothes. It is beyond human understanding how He never gives up on us, never lets go of our hands, even in our deepest sin, His love chases us down and draw us back to Him.

Some times we make the DECISION to change and then there are times that a DECISION is made on our behalf. Mine was a mixture of the two. After finding out about the infidelity of my husband, I just knew that there had to be something more to the mediocre life that I was living. It was only when I went through my personal wilderness journey with God, that I began to understand the heart of Papa God for the wounded and hurting ones. 

Alone, away from all eyes I began to see myself through His eyes, and what I saw and experienced would change the course of my life forever. It was like a light bulb has been switched on over me and for the first time in my life I saw what Papa God saw and knew all along, that I was precious in His sight, altogether lovely and beautiful and that God was madly in love with me, a daughter in pain. 

What a journey it was, painful but so worth it!!! I would not trade my wilderness for anything. The challenges and dying to self daily were tiresome and many times my past begged me to turn around, but I pressed through into Papa’s new for me. 

I had to do it for myself, my children and for every wounded person that would cross my path.

I want to encourage Papa’s beautiful daughters to step out into the unknown with Him. I always tell women that if I could make this brave decision, in my deepest pain, with no self confidence and identity they can too. Today I am mentoring and cheering other women on in their healing journeys and I love to share my testimony of how God transformed my life with His wild, untamed love. I did not deserve it, but still He thought I did.

It would never have happened had I clung to my past and pain. I love how Papa chose the weak and foolish things to confound the wise. How He looks for the one with the most issues to show His greatness. I love how Papa God always leaves the ninety nine to go after the one lost soul that happened to be me a few years ago.

— Ebigale Wilson

#EbigaleWilson #HolySpiritChats

I Want To…

For a moment I want to remember life through my childlike eyes, with their whimsical youthful lenses of pure active imagination.


I want to marvel unencumbered at a blade of grass, the movement of a bird, the height of a tree, the sound of the wind, how far away the clouds appear, truly appreciating their simple beauty without the adult need to mow, chop, shelter or protect.


I want to look at an empty street sidewalk and see the hopscotch opportunity, the big cardboard box and see the fort, the doll or stuffed animal and feel the mystical bond believing in their transformative magical powers and soul healing potential.


I want to play, to splash in mud puddles and roll in the wet grass and not worry about the mess.
I want to color whatever I want, whenever I want, and not have to be exact or in the lines.


I want to look at others with childlike innocence and truly admire their eyes, hair, and skin color, seeing their unique soul without adult-learned prejudice or judgment.


I want to experience the joyful intimacy of a hug, the openness and acceptance of holding hands.


I want to listen to a bedtime story and have someone else brush my hair.
I want to eat candy that is bad for me or spaghetti till my stomach hurts.


I want to remember what it is like to trust the world before I learned about hatred, violence and pain.


These days, when life gets too stressful or difficult, I love to look into the eyes of a newborn.
It restores my faith, gives me peace, and helps me to remember. ❤💕


——Vickie Mi Amor

The Emptying Of Me

Slow and strange
Fast and furious
Numb and nurtured
Waiting and wondering
Wailing and walking
Praying and pondering
Trusting and tears
Testing and transformation
Warm and whimsical
Cold and calculated
Real and ravenous
Raw and reckless
Bold and beautiful
Brave and bitter
Scattered and scheduled
Strategy and silly
Silence and safety
Direction and doubt
Spontaneous and structured
Communicate and contemplate
Surprises and sadness
Love and loss
Hollow and hope
Faith and flawed
Anchored and angry
Sweet and salty
Repentance and rebellion
Recover and rediscover

The Fullness of You and
The Emptying of me.

— Michelle Cosby Bollom

Restored Ministries