Save your pity for someone who needs it, I’m an overcomer!
Then I was married. Then I had kids. Still, my burdens were light. As I worked my way through my horrors as a child, I sought God, my heart needed Him. Before I ever knew salvation, He was all I had ever known. Marriage brought new challenges, but my children brought new opportunities. A gift, a second chance to change that curse of childhood, to do better. I was committed. I was determined.
As a young adult and mother in the Christian community, I would often hear older folks say, “I wish Jesus would just come back now.” I admired and looked up to these people, but in my heart, I didn’t feel the same. That made me feel guilty, lacking spiritually somehow. In truth, I wanted to see my three handsome boys become men. As a homeschooling, dedicated mom, I wanted to see the fruits of my labor come to pass. I wanted to see marriages, grandchildren ……. I wanted to see my babies flourish. I knew this was a selfish thing, somehow, somewhere. But I couldn’t deny, it was how I truly felt.
Today, almost twenty years later, so much has been experienced since the days of naivety and innocence. My view has changed drastically.
My son, nine tender years of age, asks me, “Isn’t Jesus coming back soon, Mama?”
The days of levity and carefree illusions are past. Sam sees what I see. We both see what the elders of my day must have seen. Devastation on a personal level, of drugs and sin in those we love. I see siblings struggle with past issues that has led them down a different path. They have often asked me how I turned out so normal when everyone else seems to be such a mess. I used to feel guilty about that, honestly. And hey, I’m not really that normal. I’ve strayed, made mistakes, done some really stupid things, but I’ve always had God. And that’s what I tell them.
On the news Sam sees innocence lost in that beautiful twelve year old girl forced to execute a Christian at the hands of masked, horrid men, proclaiming god’s will. He sees a Godless people, forcing the Godly to prove their right, prove their faith, and fight for their freedom. It disturbs his spirit and makes him angry.
My son, is truly the son of his mother.
In my youth, when I could not justify for my personal, selfish reasons, the feelings of my elders ….. Now I pray ….. NOW, as they did. “Jesus, come quickly!” I beg forgiveness for my selfish and worldly desires to see my children reach maturity. To not have one more day I worry about my heartsick loved ones, to not have one more feeling of insufficiency, to know that not one more Christian, one more person, is taken, or sacrificed for their belief in MY JESUS ……. To BE with God, converse with Noah, and walk with Jesus …… Now THAT my friends, is living!
And so, many years later, I realize ….. at four years old, Jesus held me close to his breast, cared for me, protected me. For that was when, “I first saw the light. And the BURDENS of my heart rolled away.” Burdens I didn’t even know I carried.
I thank you Father, that You took my burdens ever so young. You showed me grace. The plan of the enemy was thwarted and I have been repaid 100 times over. Thank you Father, for your saving grace.
It was there by faith, I received my sight.