Worthy Of Boundaries

Boundaries are hard!

We need boundaries for ourself and for others.

We are worthy of boundaries.

Check out this episode of ANew View on Boundaries.

For me I have to set them for myself with sleep, spending, and over extending. What do you need Boundaries in? We would love to hear from you!

~ XXOO Michelle Bollom

https://www.facebook.com/kbntvone/videos/1953093685015609/

#ANewView25 #WorthyOfBoundaries #TheValueOfBoundaries #BoundariesAreAllAboutLove #LoveYourselfWellWithBoundaries

Do You Struggle To Keep Your Promises


Do what you say you’re gonna do!

This was a big area for me that I struggled in judgement in. I didn’t seem to extend grace to anyone that backed out of a commitment. 

I had woundings from my childhood and marriage that I felt that broken promises had caused me great pain in my past so I built a hard spot for anyone else that didn’t keep their word or promises to me. 

Now I am not talking about sometimes things come up and can’t be avoided. We need mercy and grace for those instances and sometimes it’s just simply dealing with our own warped and deceptive perception and emotions of not taking those instances personal.  

It can’t always be avoided sometimes and I get that and know God is always in control and a Divine Detour could be in the works. 

The Lord Willing Response -is a good start so you are not having to go back on your word if you struggle in the area of keeping your word-but don’t use it as an excuse either.

Also don’t be so bound that it is something you begrudgingly do or go against your peace gauge; you may be needing to step away or break a commitment in order to say your best yes for you or your family or even God. 

What I am talking about is what I believe is a spirit that people operate in. They make big plans and promises consistently and even may vow their unending loyalty and commitment to you but are always backing out and usually in the very last minute with excuses after excuses and never follow through. They also have a quitter spirit and don’t like when you disagree with them. 

They usually have offense issues and are offended easily and have perception issues too;their perception is so full of deception. 

They also operate highly in paranoia and pity. 
They perceive things and think that their discernment and perception is fact but it is so warped and wrapped up in their fickle fleshly emotions they can’t recognize it and have a hard time separating fantasy from reality. They like escapism. 

They can also have confrontational, isolation and blame issues. They retreat offended then blame others for the distance they themselves created or they always want to force their opinions upon you to entice a confrontation. They can have an argumentative spirit too. 

I have struggled with all of those at some time in my life too. I am not pointing fingers; this is a Divine Download to help me and others too. 

This is not always a bad thing when you recognize someone operating in that spirit. It can be a good thing because once you recognize it you can set boundaries, pray to not get a spirit of criticism or judgement against them, but also rest assured in knowing that God is revealing and separating the wheat from the chaff for a reason. 

You pray and love them but also know that they just can’t be relied upon so sometimes you have to love them from a healthy distance until they are willing to break free from it themselves.

Ask God to help you recognize the faithful from the flaky in your life. 

 (Joking! But hey, that really is a great prayer!) 

If you suffer from this spirit – ask the Lord to help you break those patterns and start to follow through with what you say you will do. 

Thankfully when we are not promise keepers – God is always a Promise Keeper! 
               ~ XXOO Michelle Bollom 
                  restoredministries.org

Flood Waters 


Murky and black, you can’t judge their depths. 

 In our lives we aren’t always aware of the murky hidden and black things of our hearts.

 

Non-moving water always becomes stagnant.   

Nothing changes without change.  

The butterfly must break free from its safe cocoon in order to fly. The healing did not take place until the waters were stirred. The muscle doesn’t develop without resistance and movement. Endurance is only built by continuously enduring.

 

Water out of its banks destroys and erodes leaving behind a path of destruction and debris.  

When we are out of balance in an area we can spill over our banks and not be aware that our banks are being destroyed and eroded or what kind of debris we are carrying along with us.

 

Stirring clears the water to view into the depths to reveal hidden things. Downpours can be cleansing and aids in the stirring of the water. 


Stirring of the waters brings about healings and clears our view to see clearer into the depths of the deep waters of our lives.  


A stirring in our soul causes us to draw closer towards God for greater clarity and direction.

 

The flooding and overflow that has washed and eroded away our previous borders and banks (the things and priorities) of our lives are reestablishing new borders and banks.

  Those new banks and borders can actually help us to reorient more towards Christ and to what He has awaiting us. 

 

              ~XXOO Mchelle Bollom 

 

Setting Boundaries 


Do you feel like you are drowning? 

Barely keeping your head above water? 

Is your calendar too full?

Getting pulled and pushed in every direction?

Feeling out of sync? rushed? stressed? or too busy? 

Are you unable to find your “Best Yes” and say “No”? 

It simply could be that you need to set some healthy boundaries.

Boundaries” sometimes sounds so negative or scary. It really is just a protection that helps us live our best life. God wants us to be setting boundaries!  

Boundaries are healthy, normal, and necessary. 
We have to set boundaries with people, with ourselves, with commitments, even with Church obligations or serving others.   

If we aren’t setting them well, we leave ourselves depleted and constantly spinning our wheels. 

God reminded me today that even He set boundaries. He set them between the Earth and Sea to stop the flooding.

So today, let this be the life preserver of hope and encouragement you need. Let me give you the ticket to more peace..
Start Setting BOUNDARIES! 

Examine your life and start setting some boundaries where you need to so the earth won’t be flooding all around you anymore.     

Share your thoughts with us on some healthy ways and boundaries you have set.  

               ~XXOO Michelle Bollom 

O my soul, bless God!God, my God, how great you are!beautifully, gloriously robed,Dressed up in sunshine,and all heaven stretched out for your tent.You built your palace on the ocean deeps,made a chariot out of clouds and took off on wind-wings.You commandeered winds as messengers,appointed fire and flame as ambassadors.You set earth on a firm foundation so that nothing can shake it, ever.You blanketed earth with ocean,covered the mountains with deep waters;Then you roared and the water ran away—your thunder crash put it to flight.Mountains pushed up, valleys spread out in the places you assigned them.You set boundaries between earth and sea;never again will earth be flooded.You started the springs and rivers,sent them flowing among the hills.All the wild animals now drink their fill,wild donkeys quench their thirst.Along the riverbanks the birds build nests,ravens make their voices heard.You water the mountains from your heavenly cisterns;earth is supplied with plenty of water.You make grass grow for the livestock,hay for the animals that plow the ground. ~Psalm 104:1-14 MSG 

Need some more encouragement- check out How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty Here

Out Of Bounds 

  
I stood before home plate, the heat from the August south Texas sun beaded upon my brow. My gut was wrenched, drawn up tight, hiding behind my rib cage. Two strikes against my oldest brother’s fast ball …… and 3 out of bounds fouls. This was the last chance for my 6 year old brother and I to have a fighting chance against my two oldest brothers. In the final inning, and potentially, the final play of the game, the ball rolled towards me, bouncing as it pulsed across the uneven surface of our front yard. I watched with great anxiety and intensity as it raced towards the dip in the ground, the one that made it bouncy and unpredictable as it barreled towards me. Four bounces once it hit the dip …. Counting, 1, 2 …… 3 … 4. A split second and it’s reached its destination.

 

I reared back my right leg, with all the severity and force my 38 lbs. could muster. It’s do or die time. This time I’m going to DO!

 

Competitive sports have never been mine to enjoy. I’ve always been scrawny, weak, the last to be picked for the team. I never really minded. I have never had a competitive, “gotta beat the other guy,” mentality. I’ve never even wanted to be best in my field. In fact, I’m so much more content to be behind the scenes, making things happen in a way that you don’t see me. I’m totally content to be the jack of all trades, but the master of none.

 

UNLESS, it involves my walk with God or my family.

 

If you’re curious, I bombed the last play of that kick ball game. Fourth foul got me out. My little brother and I lost the game because I was out of bounds.

 

Now I know I ended that game on a very undramatic note. I have always remembered that game as such …. Undramatic and lost as usual, due to my lack of strength, control, and ambition …. Nothing new to me at that age.

 

As God has been dealing with me about personal boundaries these past few weeks, this particular image from the scrapbook of my childhood has replayed over and over again in my head. At first I thought it was about the unfair odds of the two oldest boys against the two youngest, most feeble of the family. I didn’t seem to get anything from that line of thinking, although an entire novel could be written on the meanness of big brothers!

 

I started thinking about a competitive spirit. Maybe God was telling me I’ve become too competitive and wanting to win something or beat someone out of pride. Or maybe, He was wanting me to obtain that spirit of needing to win. Hahaha, yeah right. That’s not it. For 2 weeks I was stumped. All the noticeable, important factors one could see about that story were not hitting home on what He wanted to show me.

 

A few days after rejecting the idea I might need a more competitive spirit, we had storms moving through our area. I was remembering how years ago, I had warned my parents, who were vacationing in the Uvalde area one summer, to evacuate when we had lots of rain. I told them, “The little creeks are dry, low areas will flood and expand their boundaries. The river will rise quicker than you can blink. Get out now, before you’re stuck and in danger. “

 

That one thought had nothing to do with kick ball. It was irrelative to being competitive, winning or losing. It had to do with boundaries.

 

God said, “Even the mountains and seas have boundaries. How much more so, do you?”

 

For two months I have been struggling with the unpredicted situation of compromise on personal boundaries as a single parent. I’ve been fighting a stress I didn’t realize was there, until I realized how much I was compromising. The sad part is, I was compromising my own boundaries to accommodate the desires of my child. This makes it ten times worse!

 

Example: Sam loves games. All games. Card games, video games, computer games, board games. They entertain him because he is an only child. On Holly Mountain, this was curbed to a degree, because I had time and (sometimes) energy, to accommodate and play with him. Since I’ve been working and he’s been in school, there is naturally, less time (and energy) to fill the void that every child has to be entertained. And, like any kid, Sam has always pushed the limits on everything. If I say, “You can’t eat that, it’s not good for you.” He will ask, “Why isn’t it good for me? How much can I eat and get away with before it becomes NOT good for me?” Lately, he has taken this approach on video games. For months he has hounded me about relaxing my standards and personal convictions on violence and language.

 

To be true to myself and my audience, I have to tell you, I caved. Not just once, but twice. TWO games I knew I didn’t want him to play, I didn’t just let him play, I bought them ……… Thinking I would appease the need, and that would be the end of it. Honestly, I got them just to shut him up. If that’s not good parenting, I don’t know what is, haha ………..

 

Yeah right.

 

After a few weeks of hearing words that made my ears bleed, repeatedly telling him to skip that, mute this and “just put on your head phones,” because I didn’t want to see or hear ANY of it, he started asking for more. More games that offended every part of MY spirit man.

 

I became impatient. Stressed. I nagged him about the content (that I allowed him to play, mind you), and complained how he was never content when I gave in just a little. I told him his expectations were WAY out of bounds.

 

I was wrong.

 

God told ME, “YOU are way out of MY boundaries.”

 

My stress was fighting this conviction that I had violated as a parent. I did wrong. I compromised. I had to fix it. But how? I had already given consent. How do you undo bad parenting?!

 

You ask forgiveness. And you PRAY!

 

I stopped nagging Sam. It was my fault. It was, pure and simple. So, I quit blaming the kid. I allowed God to re-educate me in the boundaries of yesteryear …… how and why they were/are important. The big question was, HOW to get back to them.

 

For months I had avoided the subject, got upset at Sam for pushing the limit (literally several times every day) or simply tried to ignore it all together …… Then once I got my heart right, God came through (OF COURSE!) and I got my answer.

 

Par for the course of our evening, Sam brought up a game he wanted, but knew I wouldn’t approve. Rather than lecture or argue with him, God dropped this simple reply in my heart, which I repeated to Sam.

 

Why are you asking me? You already know how I feel. How do YOU feel about the content of this game? Do you think it’s something God would approve of?” He said, “No.” I replied, “Then why are you asking ME? Are you trying to justify doing something you know is wrong just because I said it was ok?” He said, “No.” I said, “If you are old enough to accept Christ as your savior, and old enough to know that what you are asking for isn’t something God would approve of, then I’d say you’re old enough to know it’s God’s will you should be seeking, instead of the faulty judgement of your mother. Pray about it. Instead of asking ME why I hate this stuff so much, maybe you need to ask yourself why you desire it so much. I am not your savior, Jesus is. If I have to make the final call, I will. But I’d like to see you pray through this and see where it leads you first.”

 

For the first time in months, I had silence from my son on the subject of video games.

 

As insignificant as a 3 inch sideline might seem, it can make or break the game. I’ve taken back my boundaries. In doing so, I have enabled my son to create his own.

 

Do justly, love mercy, walk HUMBLY with your God.

 

 ~ Sandra K. Yates 

The Key To Success

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When you’re busy pleasing God you will have no room to please people.
Pleasing people for fear of upsetting them is not truly loving them. Being a people pleaser allows you to operate in a false, non-genuine state. You walk on eggshells, you feel guilty for their sadness and obligated for their happiness. It is exhausting! People can be addicted to the response they get from other people trying to agree, encourage and build them up. It is a draining never-ending cycle. It takes up valuable energy and time and prevents you from doing what God wants you to do.

Jesus did not say that we have to coddle and please people; He said to Love people.

The best way to really love someone is to be honest with them and set boundaries. You don’t have to buy into their drama.

Those that matter will appreciate your honesty, respect the boundaries, be willing to grow, and change. Those that don’t – well, it just may be time for the ole “Gift of Goodbye!”

Not everyone is going where God is calling you.

Not everyone is beneficial to our growth. Sometimes the sucker branches have to be pruned to allow for new growth and better fruit to develop.

It is time for us to stop being distracted by those “sucker branch” people, find our words, set boundaries, and stop compromising our true self by trying to please people.

Let us get busy doing and being all God wants us to be! ~XXOO Michelle Bollom

Live your God ordained life, not just a counterfeit version to keep people happy. ~ Joyce Meyer

So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,~ Colossians 1:10 NIV

For we speak as messengers approved by God to be entrusted with the Good News. Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.~ 1 Thessalonians 2:4 NLT

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. ~ John 15:1-2 NIV

Find Your Voice

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Do you struggle finding your voice? Do you feel pressured into saying yes when inside you’re really screaming NOOOOO!
Do you say yes out of pressures or not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings? Do you complain and dread that you ever said yes to something? Do you make yourself miserable or compromise your integrity trying to get out of that dreadful yes you didn’t really mean?
Do you feel aggravated or upset at people or their actions? Do you get on the phone telling all your girlfriends about all your frustrations, but never address it directly with the person that upset you or hurt your feelings? Do you have a problem setting boundaries?
I love Joyce Meyer. She does not sugar coat anything. She talks about overcoming all these areas and so much more in real, sound, biblical ways. She has really been instrumental in my spiritual transformation over the years.
One of her books that really helped me years ago was Approval Addiction. I always thought of myself as a person that really could give a rat’s behind what other people thought, but I actually did all those things I just described above. I couldn’t find my true voice for most of my life. I took all my frustrations to others or out on others. I filled my friends and families ears with all my frustrations, instead of taking it all to Jesus. What Joyce means by “Take it to the Throne instead of the Phone”
I was horrible at setting boundaries too. I constantly let others poop in my yard till I got the courage to put up good fences. If they got through my fence, I got good at asking them to pick up and take their poop with them. (That is another amazing message by Momma Joyce on boundaries that I highly recommend)
I was a stuffer. I stuffed my emotions for many years. I stuffed with food, shopping, and one compulsion after another. When I got so full from the stuffing my words and emotions, I finally erupted in anger. I would blow and everyone around me better take cover. I did not blow very much when I was younger, but when emotional stuffing and hormones and being a mother of twins got all mixed up together, it was like all the ingredients needed for a Mt. St. Helens type of blow. I am so thankful for recovery and Jesus. I still work the steps of recovering to this day.
Growing up I did not feel that I had the right to express my opinions if they differed from what I witnessed in those of authority around me. To disagree was to be hostile. To have your own opinion apart from others meant you had lost your ever loving mind. I remember having a differing opinion from my grandmother growing up and getting slapped across the face for it. I learned early on to get comfortable just going with the flow and pleasing others. I got real good at keeping it all inside and was not able to find my voice for far too long. It wasn’t until going with the flow and not expressing my true feelings almost killed me. I felt like a powder keg about ready to explode most days, and most days I did blow! I started to resent others because I could not find my voice or set boundaries effectively. I was stressed out and ready to run far far away from it all. Fear kept me drowning in a sea of debt and food and misery.
Only God was able to take all that dysfunction and restore and transform it into something beautiful. His Spirit and His word will transform us if we let it.
A verse that speaks to me is Matthew 5:37;
“Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” Matthew 5:37 NLT.
As a talker, that verse is not one that is very easy for me. I still have to surrender my words and mouth to God to let my words be worthy and few daily. Some days I am better at this and some day’s not so much. It is a learning and growing process. You can bet the more you focus on certain areas the more slip ups in that area you will experience. The evil one likes to use our words a lot.
It is a testing and purification process of ourselves making us to become more Christ like. God can use it all for His Glory if we let Him, but first we have to surrender our control and our mouth to Him. Only the Holy Spirit can work it all out through us if we let Him have His way.

When we can’t find our words, take comfort in these Promises!

I am the LORD your God, the one who brought you out of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. ~ Psalm 81:10 GWT
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. ~ Colossians 4:6 NIV
Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say. ~ Exodus 4:12 NIV
May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and in His grace gave us unfailing courage and a firm hope, encourage you and strengthen you always to do and say what is good. (2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17 GNB)

If we take all our words and situations to God and ask Him to fill our mouth, we will be much better at saying:
I am sorry; I don’t have peace about that so I don’t believe that is God’s will for me.
No, that doesn’t work for me.
Let me pray about that and get back to you.
Yes, that works for me.
Yes, I would love to help you.
Yes, I will
No, I won’t
Yes
No
Or whatever else He needs us to say!

Lord, help me to release every situation to You before I respond. Your ways and words are perfect Father. Open my mouth and fill it with what You will have me say. Forgive me for going against the rhythms of Your peace and perfect will. Teach me Your ways of setting the appropriate boundaries I need to. Forgive me for running off at my mouth. Show me areas I have built up bitterness and resentments that need to be released and help me to let them go. Forgive me for bypassing Your Throne and running to the phone. Let me see every situation as an opportunity to grow in Christ. May my words be worthy, truthful, and few. Let my Yes be Yes and my No be No. I thank You for changing me and helping me to find the right words and boundaries that help me flourish in this life. Transform me and restore me Lord. May my words always be seasoned with Your Love. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

~XXOO, Michelle Bollom

We don’t know Jack, but God does!

Do you ever feel sad, resentful, frazzled, nerved up or downright crazy sometimes? Sometimes I can’t even pin point the reason for feeling unsettled. We could be stuffing down our emotions and not finding our words to express our hurt, loneliness, unmet expectations (anger) or wounding’s.  I have an identical twin so a lot of times I am not sure if it is me feeling unsettled or if she is feeling unsettled.  For days and weeks and months we can give and give and pour out and we have forgotten to get filled back up ourselves.  Sometimes our calendars can be so jammed packed that we just can’t catch our breath and we need to set some boundaries.  I stepped away this Spring from a couple volunteer commitments because I felt the Lord was asking me to focus on some different things, and to invest more time on my main mission field, my husband and kiddos.  So even stepping back from that I still had too many things pulling me a million different ways.  Sometimes I feel that I have enabled everyone around me and I become so worn out and resentful that no one seems to step up and give Mom a break when she needs it the most.

 I simply forget to set the boundaries, release control, and use my big girl words to ask for help.

I start to feel like a Jack in the Box toy; you know the one with the crazy looking clown.  It is tucked tightly into the shiny box.  When you crank that handle, the music plays and then “Wham” “Boom” “Snap” the clown, aka Jack, is out of the box.  It sways back and forth; head is bobbing to and fro with a cheesy expressionless grin.  It is fun and gives everyone a great big laugh and then you cram it back into the box and do it over and over. I feel sometimes like the demands of life and people asking things of me keep the crank winding and me jumping out of the box, like Jack, …over and over.  You know them too; the weight of the demands from our kids, husbands, friends, family, commitments, ministry, jobs, etc. can all become too much when we don’t keep a good balance, or neglect our health, or don’t ask for help.  Just like the neglect of Ole Jack.  Ever run across one of these Jack in the Box at a flea market or antique shop? The paint is smeared and worn off the face and looks more like the Joker than a clown.  The little cloth covering the spring is torn and the old dirty and rusty springs are becoming exposed.  The crank is busted and the music that once sounded so joyful with anticipation of Jack’s appearance is sounding like some creepy ole scary accordion music that gives you the heebie jeebies. The once anticipated timing of Jack is now not so predictable and The Jack that pops out is the kind people jump from and want to run and avoid.  That kind of Jack looks wretched!  That was the Jack I felt like.

So when we start to feel like the wretched neglected and worn out Jack; overwhelmed and frustrated and it does not take much of a crank on that handle to bust you out of the box, what do we do?  

First realize, we don’t know Jack! But God does!

Release control, surrender it to God, set some boundaries, if you don’t have peace you are out of God’s will.  Sometimes you have to say no to some things to be able to say yes to where God wants you.  Make sure you are clinging to God’s Word.  If you have an identical twin, check them too, I realized a lot of my feelings were from my twin sister’s emotions. Make yourself and your health a priority; don’t neglect exercise or eating healthy.  Apologize for being on edge and unsettled with our crazy behavior and memorize this Awesome Promise >

I said, “I am falling”; but Your constant love, O Lord, held me up. 19 Whenever I am anxious and worried,  You comfort me and make me glad.  ~ Psalm 94:18-19 GNB

Relax and let the Great Comforter take over.  Remember He is also the great Restorer and He can take that Ole wretched Jack and make it all shiny and new again.  Only With God, are we able to withstand those endless cranks of life’s demands well.

~ XXOO Michelle Bollom