My Unplanned Story

Today I went to the movies. My dear friend had gotten us tickets. I was excited to see this new movie “Unplanned” but was a bit afraid that it would stir up emotions that I didn’t want to stir up. I started asking God a few days ago about it. He seemed to gently whisper to my soul….

You will be quite alright; I have restored your soul. The shame and guilt have all been washed away. I am faithful. I got ya!”

I watched this movie that was wonderfully made. I thought it was a very true depiction of my own unplanned story that put me in an abortion clinic in 1992. I was 22 years old. My twin sister was with me and I was numb and scared and a bit loopy from the valium they gave me. I looked around at the 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18…..year old’s. Scanning the room for anyone that appeared to be my age. The shame was overwhelming. I felt like I was old enough to know better and the majority of the girls there were with parents that were forcing them into this decision. Loud sobs were in unison throughout the room but just sounded like white noise.

My turn came and I remember the sweetest nurse that I asked if she would hold my hand. She obliged and I probably squeezed it for dear life. I remember the pain, the fear, the excruciating sadness and devastation feeling in my chest. I remember the doctor patting me on the head when he was done. I found out later that this doctor was a prominent OBGYN in the town. He did this secretly on the side and his colleagues didn’t know it.

They all rushed out the room and left me there alone.

That was the first tear I shed that day, wondering what in the world had I just done, but it would not be my last.

In recovery as the room filled with more and more zombie like girls waiting for their juice and crackers, I sat next to a girl that looked to be my age. She was 22 too. I wanted to know her story. She said her boyfriend was out in the car waiting. I felt sad because my boyfriend of over a year had turned out to be hiding a huge secret and had not broken up with his girlfriend that had moved away two years prior. He turned out to be a liar and a cheater and definitely not so ideal of baby daddy material and along with a series of some unexpected life events and a sudden job loss forced me to not see past all my fears of how I would care for myself, let alone a child all by myself. Even at the pleading of some family to not make this decision.

I remember every detail. Even down to the antiseptic smell of bleach and how those dry crackers slid down my dry parched throat.

I remember the protestors screaming and calling us names. They held Bibles and quoted verses to condemn me. I remember lighting a cigarette as my sister allowed me to smoke in the car. I remember the food we picked up and I remember how I let that food numb me even more as I listened on the phone as my friend shared that the “boyfriend” with the secret girlfriend was visiting them and showed up there partying it up with a whole other girl while I was recovering from the abortion. I was so relieved that I had made that decision. I used that as justification for my choice for many years.

The physical aspects take about a month to fully feel back to yourself. I remember drowning my pain in way too much alcohol. I remember looking for love in all the wrong places to numb the deep hurt of being betrayed by a lying cheater that conned me for longer than I should have allowed. Now I would be tied to him forever through this painful memory. I walked a many a days and nights getting to be able to fully forgive this person.

I sucked it up and got good at hiding my emotions. I threw myself into work and partying and making life changes. I had had one failed relationship after another. I moved back to the Big City and started over. I never spoke of my abortion again, until in 1995 I mentioned it to my soon to be husband because I felt he needed to know before we married. We decided best to keep that buried.

In 2006 I shared my abortion with someone that I thought was a close friend. I quickly found out that was the deal breaker. This person couldn’t see past what I had done, and the friendship fizzled. I cried out to God. I was in a dark place after my brother died. I would just bottle it all up and go into a deep depression each year around early summer into the fall.

I begged God to take the pain and my addictions and to show me if He really was all people claimed He was. That started my journey from religion to relationship. I began to read the Bible. Instead of it being used to beat me up like those religious fanatics outside the clinic, I saw it as God’s love letter to me. I allowed Him to work His transformational truths in my life so that I could get better.

I still remember the day I dropped to my knees and asked the Lord to forgive me for what I had done. I apologized for justifying my decision for so many years instead of actually repenting and asking for God to forgive me and help me to forgive myself. The enormous weight shifted, and I felt different. I began to read my bible and learn all I could of God. I felt so free from religion. The Purpose Driven Life book changed my life.

I had left the corporate world in 2005, lost my brother Toby suddenly in 2006, left the Catholic Church in 2006, My dad was critically hospitalized in the end of 2006, I came back to the Lord in 2006, started attending a bible based church in 2006, Got in recovery in 2006, suffered a stroke in 2008, my dad died the end of 2008, I returned to work in 2009, I became baptized in the spirit in 2012 after more tragic losses in my family and didn’t know how to pray adequately myself so I was thankful for my Heavenly Prayer Language that I spent years making fun of and not believing it to be true. We had left our Bible based church for a Spirit Filled Church in 2011, and now I was leaving work there in 2012 because God told me to begin learning about Inner Healing and Sozo full time.

In 2012 I joined an Inner Healing group and around that time I was asking God what He wanted me to do. I was obedient to leave my job. I was learning what I felt He wanted me to learn and then in a prayer line my friend, a stranger to me then, Anna, prophesied that God was wanting me to be a voice for the Unborn. I knew it was confirmation, but it scared me. So many people didn’t know my story. I had lost friendships over sharing this bit of information and didn’t want to do that again. But for some reason, I knew God was leading me, I just had to take the steps of faith. I shared with my husband that it was time to share this with our twins since I felt God wanted me to start sharing this part of my testimony publicly.

I started volunteering at the local pregnancy centers, I led community Abortion Recovery support groups. I didn’t know what God had in store, but I would serve Him until He said other wise.

A startling tid bit that pains me greatly and I am passionate about is that Abortion is as much a problem in the church as the unchurched. I sat in rooms of girls and women that more than half had an abortion story that their dad’s or grandfathers were deacons, elders, pastors, preachers, bishops…. all forced them to have an abortion due to the shame it would bring upon them. I heard a girl that said she must have an abortion because she knew her Heavenly Father would forgive her but her dad, a well-known pastor in the area said he would not forgive her if she didn’t have an abortion.

I felt the call to become Ordained by Joan Hunter Ministries in 2013. I fulfilled that in 2014. I started Restored Ministries. A non-profit organization that our mission is to encourage and equip people to live in wholeness and freedom, Mind, Body, Soul. God still surprises me as this ministry keeps unfolding now 5 years later and I am finally writing the book to help countless women and men walk out of shame and secrecy of abortion and help them live restored in overcoming abortion trauma. I also love to help pray for others to get healing of not just physical but also those soul wounds.

So, why do I share all of this with you? I am a story-teller and a writer and God always has me write to process my pain and in turn it helps others process their pain too.

I felt the need to relay #MyUnplannedStory for you in hopes that it will help someone else.

I started thinking… what are the biggest things I can share with someone thinking of abortion or needing healing of abortion….

A line from the movie struck me hard…

“They can get rid of your baby, but they will never get rid of the memory of your baby”

This sadly is true. You will live years with the effects of abortion trauma and not even realize it.

I tucked away that memory for over 20 long painful years before I fully dealt with it. I suffered through Mothers days, and sanctity of life services and pro-lifers and judgmental people all within the walls of church, and yes, I sadly and horrifically sacrificed my own child on the altar of convenience. But, no, I never ever forgot about them.

God showed me that they have not been forgotten and will one day be waiting on me as I hit those pearly gates. We had memorial services at the end of our Abortion Recovery Groups that would bring so much healing to allow women to grieve their loss. They had felt unable to grieve a child that they had too sacrificed on the altar of convenience.

God blessed me 7 years after my abortion with the most double wonderful blessing that I could have hoped or thought or dreamed of…. A perfect boy and a perfect girl, all in one shot!

My twins are my double portion blessing.

My kiddos know what I have done. They know what I do to help others and are my biggest supporters along with my amazing Jackpot of a Hubby for almost 24 years.

Your child/s have not been forgotten.

There is restoration and healing and wholeness after abortion.

My God is a merciful God.

He heard my cries. He hears your cries.

Abortion is not the unforgivable sin.

God forgave David and Moses both for murder.

He forgave me. He can forgive you too.

If you need someone to talk to or pray with you-please contact me.

I am here to help you on your journey to wholeness too!

~ XXOO Michelle Bollom

http://www.restoredministries.org

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The Forgivable Sin

Today as every other post, headline and news story is talking about the horrific law passed allowing abortion up to full term, my heart is deeply grieved because of this decision, but it also aches deeply for every woman and man that with each post and news story is brought back to a time of deep pain when they chose abortion.

No one chooses abortion lightly.

Fear is a powerful driving force and many are forced into making that decision. It’s never an easy decision.

I believe the best voices for the future of the unborn lies in the process of letting those that chose abortion know that there is forgiveness, wholeness and restoration available to them in Jesus Christ.

Once they are Restored – they will never want anyone to suffer as they have due to abortion.

Abortion affects people just like PTSD. It has long ranging effects.

Sadly, I have been speaking out about this to leaders and churches and communities and anyone that will listen, that abortion is as much a problem for the churched as the unchurched.

I did post abortion Bible Studies in my community through the local pregnancy center. More than half of those attending were daughters of Pastors, Deacons, Elders and Bishops … all forced to have their abortions due to the shame it would bring their fathers, families and communities.

They all either described how they worked and served hard in the Church trying to prove their good works afterwards or they simply left the church completely because of the hurt they felt because no one offered them anything other than judgement and condemnation.

The Worlds churches are full of wounded women and men sitting in congregations hurting deeply over this. Another Sanctity of Life sermon and Pro-Life rant will not heal them.

Almost all that I counseled were still holding onto their secrets and shame so tightly that many turned to various forms of counterfeit comforts – hard drugs, alcohol, pills or food to try to numb their deep pain. I was one of them too for almost 25 years.

Statistics show that almost 60% of female inmates in our prison systems have had an abortion.

Where there is a woman suffering – there is also many men suffering too.

Not every man is the driving force behind the choice to abort. Many men are deeply grieved over their parts or even lack of in the decision.

I once even heard of a young college girl that was adamant on choosing abortion and when asked why, she said that her Heavenly Father can forgive her but her earthly father said he would not forgive her if she didn’t choose abortion. Her earthly father was a prominent pastor in the community.

Today, as many people around the world are incensed by this decision, may we also be just as enraged and angry for God’s daughters and sons that have bought the lies that they are horrible murderers or people because of their choice to abort.

May we be led to help them receive forgiveness and wholeness instead of simply screaming about how horrible and wrong it is.

We ALL know how horrible it is – trust me. Oprah and Chelsea Handler and every pink hat wearer claiming rights to their choices and bodies will try to spin it differently – but it is never as simple or lighthearted as they claim it is.

May we be able to show them they are loved despite the choices they made and point them to the truth that abortion is not the unforgivable sin.

Shame can only survive in silence.

God forgave Moses and David for murder and He has forgiven me and will forgive ANYONE and EVERYONE that comes to Him and repents that have made that choice too.

Please hear me!

There is wholeness and life and life abundantly available after abortion.

We must shatter the silence and shame by allowing the Words of our testimony and the Blood of the Lamb to enable us to overcome and help others overcome.

We begin to repair our stories when we share our stories.

Yes, we must

Pray for the unborn,

Pray for the lawmakers,

but please don’t forget to

Pray for your fellow brothers and sisters that are suffering in shame and silence today.

Pray they reach out and know that they are worthy of love and forgiveness.

I am not here to say abortion is ok or that we don’t have a right to voice our righteous anger towards the killing of millions of babies every year …

No, please know and hear my heart-

I am here to say that we must do more – we can always do more than simply voicing our anger over abortion. We can be committed to help restore lives by helping anyone suffering from the affects of abortion to become forgiven, healed and whole. In doing so, we can help bring about great change to the very fabric of our Nation.

If one person is bound – we are all bound!

Contact me if you need prayer, resources, or help healing from abortion.

Together-let’s make a difference.

~ XXOO Michelle Bollom

This book in the lead photo is years in the making and I hope – Lord Willing, it will be finished this year.

Restored Ministries

Pro Love 

In the eyes of our Lord, a sin is a sin.  One does not weigh heavier while the other is more acceptable. 

 As Christians, the Bible teaches us that it is wrong to murder a person. While there is debate as to when an unborn child is actually considered ‘a person’, we believe that God intended that person to live and that ending their life before it begins is murder. I can see the case for those who want the federal government to disallow abortions but this is not about politics, it’s about Jesus.

As far back as I can remember the subject of abortion has been a hot topic in every election season. Did God create our government as a means of removing the opportunity for certain modes of sinning? Is it more likely that politicians have become aware that they can earn a large number of votes if they seem to support the Christian faith?  

Thinking of the politicians and government as one man, I ask you, did God come to the man and tell him that his purpose is to ensure that all sinners are imprisoned? Does the Bible not tell us that it is only God who executes judgment?  

Thinking of all women looking at having an abortion as one woman, are we as Christians not instructed to love her? She is in a time of desperate need. If we turn our backs because we disapprove of the sin she is considering are we not sinning equally?  

I believe the continued ‘fight’ over the legality of abortion distracts us from our real work. Our God is not a God of chaos. A crowd of angry protestors outside of a medical clinic is not doing God’s work. If they would drop their pitch forks and become a soft place to fall for the women they may actually be able to stop some from making that choice.  

The choice that is theirs to make as God intended it to be.  

I’m not asking that you like what I’ve said here. I am asking that you see that the path we have been on is not the way of God. Our God uses our experiences to help others.  

In high school, a friend of mine became pregnant. She was certain that if her mother knew she would be kicked out into the street. This friend opted for an abortion. At seventeen years old I drove my friend to the clinic. We drove past a group of angry men chanting terrible things and holding up signs. These men were not doing God’s work. They were not acting out of love. Their lack of compassion for this soul in distress blocked their ability to love her.  

They were not able to help or educate her through their judgment and shaming.  

While they upset her, they did not stop her from terminating the pregnancy.  

All they did was give her a bad taste for religious people.  

When you see someone set out on a mission ‘for God’, look at the mission and the path they choose. Does the mission of making abortion illegal seem to be following a path lighted by Christ?   

Does God want His people to avoid abortions for fear of man’s law or would He prefer that they use the free will He gave them to choose the right path?  

I don’t see this as a question of pro life or pro choice. As a Christian, I know that God gave us life and choice. I believe that the fight over this subject is brought by the enemy to divide us and to keep us from ministering to the women who need our love and support more than anything else. 

  I believe it should always be about Pro Love! 

                       ~ Kim Weingart 

2 Timothy 2:26 ESV

And they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

Galatians 5:13 ESV

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

Break The Silence Of Abortion


Many people are suffering from the effects of abortion. The children are not the only victims.  

Abortion is mostly a fear born and based decision.  

It is forced on many by either fear of the unknown or fear of losing their partners over the unplanned or unwanted pregnancy or fear of losing the love and acceptance from their disappointed parents and family which could be forcing the decision.

No one ever makes this decision lightly. No matter what celebrities like Chelsea Handler or Ilyse Hogue, will try to tell you- the effects of abortion are far reaching and lasting for many and not something to be proud of.  

But not something we should feel condemned of anymore either. 

Statistics show that 60% of female inmates in prison have had an abortion. Many will tell you they are in an endless cycle of addiction and crime because of this decision. 
Statistics show it has lasting affects just like those of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
Statistics show that those that have chosen abortion suffer with suicidal thoughts, depression, isolation, obsessive compulsive behaviors, addictions, divorce,relationship struggles, and subsequent issues bonding with their future children. 

We are only as sick as our secrets!

I believe God has called me to be a voice for the unborn by helping to restore men and women that have made the decision to abort their unborn child. If we can get these people to rid themselves of the guilt and shame and know that God truly forgives and loves them still; they will become one of the greatest pro-life movements and voices for future unborn children the world has ever seen.  

I have counseled numerous women of all ages that have shared their stories with me.   

I know many that are still too terrified to share their stories because of their churches and pastors that are so vocal about their disgust and opinions on abortion. I encourage pastors and leaders to please stop alienating your wounded women and men and instead realize – the children are not the only victims. Send those in your congregations that are suffering to Restored Ministries.  We would love to help them. 

I have done studies with post abortion women and more than half of the groups were Pastors, Bishops, or Elders in the churches daughters. Abortion is just as much a problem for the churched as it is the unchurched. 

Because of the harsh judgements and opinions regarding abortion it is also what keeps many out of the church, and also keeps many overly serving in church trying to earn their way to Heaven. Both reasons still keep them suffering in silence and fear of releasing this secret. 

I suffered in silence for far too many years. I know what the effects of Abortion can do to a person. 
We need to stop telling people to #ShoutYourAbortion and instead ask them to boldly #ShoutOurJesus

I know the Amazing Transforming and Restorative Power of Jesus Christ and what He has done in my life. I know what it is like to carry that heavy coat of shame and guilt around and be pissed off at the world for continuing to be so vocal against a decision I chose – and take that disgust from others personally. I know what it is like to be rejected unfairly by people, Christians too, for sharing my secret. 

I also know what it is like to be free from the guilt, shame and condemnation now. I know what it is like to pray for those that tend to shout hate and have to make a daily decision to cover them in love by taking the offense and hurt I feel directly to Jesus. 

(Not to say some days I don’t have my Mr. Bean moments and want to flip the whole World off.) 

It’s a process of releasing to be restored. It takes time and I can help you. 

Abortion is not the unforgivable sin as you would be led to believe. God does not have a grading scale on sins.   

God forgave Moses and David for murder. God can and does forgive you too! 

If you are tired of suffering in silence and need someone to talk to- contact me. I would love to listen, pray with you and help you to finally #LiveRestored – Mind Body & Soul.  

Let’s #ShoutOurJesus together and finally break the silence and suffering of Abortion. 
              ~XXOO Michelle Bollom 

Thanks

  

 

Define

Thanks can be defined as an expression of gratitude or kindly or grateful thoughts.

 

Affirm

1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” 

 

Recall

This week, it happened again- I had one of those spiritual aha moments. Please note that the story I will share is a sensitive topic, so I am hoping that your judgement is abandoned and that your heart is opened. I hope that by sharing this story, you too will experience a spiritual aha moment as well.

 

This weekend I learned that a couple at my church lost their unborn child at 32 weeks. I believe they have experienced a few challenges with trying to conceive. This family has been asking GOD to allow them to have another little one and more than likely this pregnancy probably offered them hope. I would imagine they were devastated as a family to learn about their loss. I couldn’t imagine how it might feel to lose an unborn child. I could imagine; however the negative emotions experienced with a loss. During moments of loss, one might feel anxious, sadness, failure, shame, withdrawal, hurt, disappointment…

 

In all transparency, this couple is probably clueless about how their story reminded of how blessed I am. I sit here in tears thinking about my blessing. Two and a half years ago, when I realized I was going to be a single mother, I too experienced negative and sad emotions. I was so scared that I did not want to accept motherhood. Honestly after I found out I was pregnant, I did not want to become a mother. A few people were happy for me and I was miserable. I wanted to throw in the towel- I wanted to abort my child. I developed a fictitious story about how I was going to tell everyone that I lost her and I was going to move on with my life. My struggles were real!  

 

I felt pressured and confused; but I decided I would instead be grateful for her. I kept my daughter and she basically saved my life, my soul. Lereine (my daughter) helped me reprioritize all things; she helped me realign my life with the will of GOD- which is my greatest blessing.

 

The story of the family reminds me of how there are so many families waiting for blessings, healing, children, and/or mending of a broken relationship. There are so many of us that are so scared …that we will abort our blessing and gifts, abandon them, neglect them, mistreat them, and/or ignore them.  

 

I write this today to remind you that no matter what you are experiencing give GOD thanks! Please thank him and know this is his will for your life. You might not see what he has in store for your; but I challenge to thank him anyways. Trust him, he know exactly what you need.

My decision to keep my gift reminds me of how great GOD is. I am so thankful for Lereine- I am reminded that so many people are praying for gifts that sometimes do not manifest- and that sometimes GOD allows others like me to experience that same gift and or blessing. Instead of throwing the gift away; see it as your greatest blessing. I am so thankful for this spiritual aha moment and I am thankful for their story to help me share my story and I hope our story becomes your story. Be thankful!

 

Exercise:

Dear God,

Thank you so much for helping me to have grateful thoughts during life’s character building phases. Help me to see this is your will for my life and this is my opportunity for growth. Thank you so much for giving me perfect peace and rest.    

 

Commit to the challenge. I DARE you.

                      ~ Lereca Monik 

#mydearestsister #Idareyou #restoredministries #itstimeforachange #anewyou #LiveRestored 

Michelle’s Restoration Story

Michelle’s Restoration Story

Sometimes I don’t even know where to begin to share my story. God has brought so much restoration into my life and He continues to Restore me daily. Like many mom’s & wives we lose ourselves and pour into our families that we rarely leave any room for ourselves. We put our health on the back burner and burn the candle at both ends. We buy the lies of the enemy and grieve our losses without the Hope that Christ offers us. We are wounded and broken and don’t know where to turn. In 2008 I found myself overweight and overwhelmed. I suffered a stroke which led to a overload of doctors and diagnosis and finally ended with the words diabetes & thyroid disease. I joke that God took away my smoking addiction, He took away alcohol, and He took away my cake too! But what an awesome blessing it is because it forces me to take better care of myself as well as, to keep my focus on Him. Little did I know that most of my health issues and the extra weight I carried were just manifestations of trying to keep a secret buried. I revealed the secret to only a select few over the years, but it wasn’t until I released that 20 + year old secret to God and got honest and obedient to Him that He could do some of His best Restoration work in my life. My secret effects 1.3 + Million women each year. Many churches and communities promote the Sanctity of Life, but rarely have I seen churches or communities doing anything about trying to help Restore these women’s lives after the effects of Abortion. There are far too many women not operating in their God given potential because they are carrying around a heavy bag of shame from trying to hold on too tightly to their secrets. Whether that secret is an abortion, an unplanned pregnancy, not finishing high school or college, yelling at your kids, angry at your spouse, vainness, a critical or judgemental spirit, cursing like a sailor, having an affair, sexual abuse, struggling with self esteem, hurting yourself physically, turning to pills or alcohol or sex or shopping or food for escape or comfort. It doesn’t matter what it is if you release it all to God. My desire is to let women know that God can and will use you if you let Him. He can breath new life into those dead dry bones. He can turn every ounce of your pain into an amazing purpose. God wants His daughters and sons to be Restored! Are you ready to release your secrets ? To Get Real? & let God use you?

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