My Path Of Pain

During my journey through the wilderness, I have learned the importance of embracing painful times. For many years I was good at running away and avoiding working on myself.

When pain would visit I would revert to my emotions controlling me. I would spew anger and painful words in an attempt to lessen the pain I was going through. I wanted the person that hurt me to experience a glimpse of where I would find myself. It never worked because Jesus was waiting for me to surrender so that He could step in and do what He does best. 

Pain knocked on my door quite often in an effort to wake me up from my deep sleep. I did not know what to do with the deep rooted anger I battled with because of childhood hurt and rejection. Then pain knocked on my door again in higher levels when my ex husband cheated on me with a married woman.

PIaying the victim was my favorite role for many years. Like I have said previously sometimes the choice to visit the wilderness is made on our behalf and sometimes Father brings us to a point where we have to make the decision to change ourselves. Mine was a combination of both. 

Father separated me for a season to work through my pain. At that time I had a very important decision to make as my Pastor started to use me more in church in the prophetic. The choice was easy, my character and love walk had to match my gifts and the call on my life. I chose a healing journey over a platform.

While in deep pain I was forced to let go of everything holding me captive in my past. The bathroom floor became my silent observer when I would cry my heart out when I visited graves I avoided for years. Jesus walked me through my anger, the rejection, my fears, the uncontrolled emotions and the constant wars in my mind. The more Jesus would put His finger and highlight the characteristics that did not represent Him, the lighter my heart grew.

Only when my heart was lighter I started to discover my purposes hidden under all my pain. My writings were birthed out of my journey through the wilderness. 

Recently I was forced to visit my pain again when I discovered that after all these years I never dealt with my “trust issues”. While in pain Father said to me: “It is just more stripping Ebigale”. Now when painful situations appear I have the tools necessary to deal with it in healthy ways. 

I guess when we know “PURPOSE” and who we are in Christ and how deeply we are loved it is easier to “EMBRACE” pain… because eventually “PAIN” will lead us on beautiful paths in Father and He will use us to turn around to the hurt and forgotten to help them on their journeys of healing…

— Ebigale Wilson