before and now…

i didn’t choose

this path,

i was placed on it;

not apologizing

for scars

and tears

from wars unknown

to you

cause i’ve always

been on my own,

in my own mind

and i know you

can’t read it

cause you bleed ignorance;

i look in the mirror

telling myself

my past doesn’t define me,

but has only made me stronger

for all the fire i went under

and yet survived for a reason

i yet do not know;

other minds think thoughts

that aren’t real

cause they’re not in tune

with wars and blood,

miles and miles of pain

wrapping ’round their heart,

causing them to feel




my mind can’t wrap around

the thought of just being


i try and fail to,

but i never quit

no matter how many

bullet holes my heart

is found carrying

cause i am a fighter

when there seems

to be no cause;

i tell myself that i’m

worthy without believing,

that i’m not alone

although i feel so

detached from every

single molecule that is not

my own;

i live a lie…

i tell you by the way i live

that i love myself and

my life,

but i don’t…

i care for others in a way

i can’t for myself,

it feels like i’m stuck

in a deep, dark hole

inside a world that isn’t

the one everyone else

breathes upon…

i feel so detached

as if i can only bleed

silence screaming

so loud no one can hear

a thing…

the pain that’s so real to me.

~Bethany Anne