detached
before and now…
i didn’t choose
this path,
i was placed on it;
not apologizing
for scars
and tears
from wars unknown
to you
cause i’ve always
been on my own,
in my own mind
and i know you
can’t read it
cause you bleed ignorance;
i look in the mirror
telling myself
my past doesn’t define me,
but has only made me stronger
for all the fire i went under
and yet survived for a reason
i yet do not know;
other minds think thoughts
that aren’t real
cause they’re not in tune
with wars and blood,
miles and miles of pain
wrapping ’round their heart,
causing them to feel
detached,
numb,
nothing…
my mind can’t wrap around
the thought of just being
happy;
i try and fail to,
but i never quit
no matter how many
bullet holes my heart
is found carrying
cause i am a fighter
when there seems
to be no cause;
i tell myself that i’m
worthy without believing,
that i’m not alone
although i feel so
detached from every
single molecule that is not
my own;
i live a lie…
i tell you by the way i live
that i love myself and
my life,
but i don’t…
i care for others in a way
i can’t for myself,
it feels like i’m stuck
in a deep, dark hole
inside a world that isn’t
the one everyone else
breathes upon…
i feel so detached
as if i can only bleed
silence screaming
so loud no one can hear
a thing…
the pain that’s so real to me.
~Bethany Anne
Detached
