this fierce blood pumping
through these twisted veins,
defining mere beginnings
at war with the mind
tells it to stop being
afraid of its own mess
as it dresses the wounds
from infected to healed
cause these scars are surfacing,
breaking the skin apart;
people just sit and watch
cause they think
it’s entertainment
seeing houses destroyed,
burned to the ground
with people still inside…
they don’t care to dial for help,
to help,
no…they’d rather do nothing,
but you’ll hear them say
how much of a tragedy
it was that the victims died
after the fact that it happened
yet they did absolutely nothing
to stop the wound from bleeding;
ignorance is a bomb going off
in the mind gravitating to depths,
people on the outside
could no way in hell understand;
i look up when I feel down,
i breathe when i’m below the surface,
i run when i can’t move,
i fight into the night,
never ever giving up,
so don’t you dare give me excuses
why you can’t help…
it’s not that you can’t,
it’s that you won’t
cause you don’t care
and i don’t care either,
not if you can only define
your love for me by being absent,
being silent,
ignoring my pain completely
cause you’re so delusional
that i’m okay
although you know i’m not,
then get out of my life;
if you can’t love me,
support me,
be here for me
then fine
my blood won’t end up
on your hands cause i couldn’t take it,
no…i won’t give up cause of you,
i will fight in spite of you,
so don’t hold your breath;
i’m not going anywhere,
keep telling me i’m nothing
and i’ll prove you wrong,
i will never give up,
not ever,
so don’t count on it;
God is with me,
helping me fight these battles
cause together we will defeat
the enemy who is using
whoever he can to take me out,
but he’s going to fail miserably,
so if you want to get on that side,
fine,
but you will also fail miserably,
just wait and see;
your power is a grain of dirt
compared to Him;
i’m not sorry
cause this mental illness
isn’t my fault…
i’m doing what i can to heal,
so i can help others
to the best of my ability
cause i believe i’m worthy
to live this life i’ve been given freely;
don’t stand in my way
cause i will fight
with every ounce of strength
i have and win!
~ Bethany Anne
Restored Ministries Blog 