I Believe I Am Worthy

this fierce blood pumping

through these twisted veins,

defining mere beginnings

at war with the mind

tells it to stop being

afraid of its own mess

as it dresses the wounds

from infected to healed

cause these scars are surfacing,

breaking the skin apart;

people just sit and watch

cause they think

it’s entertainment

seeing houses destroyed,

burned to the ground

with people still inside…

they don’t care to dial for help,

to help,

no…they’d rather do nothing,

but you’ll hear them say

how much of a tragedy

it was that the victims died

after the fact that it happened

yet they did absolutely nothing

to stop the wound from bleeding;

ignorance is a bomb going off

in the mind gravitating to depths,

people on the outside

could no way in hell understand;

i look up when I feel down,

i breathe when i’m below the surface,

i run when i can’t move,

i fight into the night,

never ever giving up,

so don’t you dare give me excuses

why you can’t help…

it’s not that you can’t,

it’s that you won’t

cause you don’t care

and i don’t care either,

not if you can only define

your love for me by being absent,

being silent,

ignoring my pain completely

cause you’re so delusional

that i’m okay

although you know i’m not,

then get out of my life;

if you can’t love me,

support me,

be here for me

then fine

my blood won’t end up

on your hands cause i couldn’t take it,

no…i won’t give up cause of you,

i will fight in spite of you,

so don’t hold your breath;

i’m not going anywhere,

keep telling me i’m nothing

and i’ll prove you wrong,

i will never give up,

not ever,

so don’t count on it;

God is with me,

helping me fight these battles

cause together we will defeat

the enemy who is using

whoever he can to take me out,

but he’s going to fail miserably,

so if you want to get on that side,

fine,

but you will also fail miserably,

just wait and see;

your power is a grain of dirt

compared to Him;

i’m not sorry

cause this mental illness

isn’t my fault…

i’m doing what i can to heal,

so i can help others

to the best of my ability

cause i believe i’m worthy

to live this life i’ve been given freely;

don’t stand in my way

cause i will fight

with every ounce of strength

i have and win!

~ Bethany Anne

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