How many of us have had, or still have, such incredible Pain, gut wrenching pain?
Denying its existence is as absurd as denying we have an enemy. What we don’t do is allow pain control. Jabez made Pain known. Both he and Job give us HOPE, right? Anyone else, besides me, ready for Restoration?
Personally, I have known pain, through uncommon losses, since I was a little girl. I lost my best friend when I was only 5 years old, my sister and my father before I was even 20 years old. Then nearly losing my own life in my 20’s while pregnant in an abusive marriage. I’ve lost family, friends, suffered pain all of my life. In the last year and a half, I’ve lost my mother, my pastor/prophet Kim Clement, and most recently my little girl in fur, Mya. But, my deepest pain comes from losing my only child, having my daughter leave consumed with anger, 5 very long years ago. Clearly, pain has been a part of my process and without a doubt, I have questions. Who doesn’t?
But, in the midst of it all, there is a deep love for God, wrapped in mammoth size trust, laced with eternal purpose. It doesn’t mean I understand; I don’t. I don’t have all the answers. I hurt in ways no one knows but God; yet, I choose to “trust”.
One thing I have learned; I have learned the importance of altars.
I’ve learned that NO ONE can take what I offer to God. I have offered much to HIM on those altars, including my daughter. I gave her to Him before she was ever born and several times since. So, again, with my heart aching, I lift her to God saying,
“I will not offer YOU that which cost me nothing.”
I’ve also learned, there is another altar and I can’t forget it. I must build this altar and then I must crawl up on it myself. Just as I am. Because it’s me God wants, just me, all of me.
“So, Here I am Lord. Consume me; Withholding Nothing.”