I see your smile slowly fading
And the twinkle in your eyes growing dim
You carry the weight of the world
And every one else’s burdens
While stuffing your hurts and desires
to the bottom of the pile
Made to feel unworthy by past mistakes
That others throw in your face
How long How long you cry
Till you can be free of the angst
The sadness you push down sometimes so far
You don’t even know what it is for anymore
You perform and perfect all that is around you
Hoping that will make things easier to bear
Or just to be appeasing to the eyes
or not add to the stress
The stress held down by the bites on your lips
The quiver if started may not be able to quit
The flowing of tears held back by a unbreakable dam for far too long
Breaking free like a release of pressure
long over due is your dream
Tears cleansing and flowing can only make
You feel better for a moment
Then you compose and carry on
Keeping guard of your heart
And continue carrying all those things you shouldn’t
You find yourself stuck between the life you thought and the life you now live
Wondering ….
Am I worthy of being loved just the way I am
Faults and flaws all beautifully broken open
On display without need for hiding anymore
If I am truly forgiven and free
Why do I live like I am still imprisoned
Your heart aching and longing
for something more
Something easy and comfortable and not
this egg shell walking dance you perform
Moment after moment
Day after day
Week after week
Month after month
Year after year
Grasping at the why’s….
Why do I allow them to make me feel less than
That I don’t deserve respect and honor
That I am here as a stomping mat to
step all over
Why do I stuff it all down till I blow
Why do they fling these dings at my already worn out armor
Why do I keep these calluses formed on the edges of my heart from every hurtful word slung my way
Dreaming of wants …..
I want to look in the mirror and see joy and light
I want a purpose and freedom
I want to see laugh lines instead of these
tear stained crevices
I want to feel love and care and comfort
wrapped tightly around me
I want this lonely silence to be filled with praise and thankfulness instead of dread and regret
I don’t know what or how but I need…
Something More….
I need a move from something so much
more powerful than I
I need a Savior that can rescue me
I need a hope and a future
I need a peace that surpasses all understanding
I need for someone to come and speak truth to my soul to replace all these lies
I don’t even know how to invite You in
I barely have the strength to keep breathing….
Then as His still small voice pierces my darkness and fills my lungs with air
I hear “Just Breathe My Dear”
simply inhale
And say
I need ….You Jesus
as you breathe in ….
Then as you slowly exhale
breathe out ….
You are Enough
As you continue do that over and over
Remember
My Beloved …..
I hear your cries
I hear your wants
I hear your wondering and your whys
I hear you…..
You are
enough
worthy
free
forgiven
loved
redeemed
Keep breathing Me in ….
Moment by moment
Day by day
Week by week
Month by month
Year by year
I am here. I am always here.
I am just a breath away
Just Breathe My Dear
~ XXOO Michelle Bollom
Restored People Community 