One beautiful weekend in July, I was on vacation trying my best to enjoy the present moment. But my spirit was not celebrating. It was troubled.
I didn’t understand what was going on, but deep within that sacred place that we both shared….I knew it had to do with you.
A couple days later as I watched the ultrasound technician measure your little head, your arms, and your legs. For a moment, I was relieved. You were a miracle in the making.
And then the question came:
“Have you experienced any cramping?”
“No. Nothing at all, I replied.”
His look told me what my Spirit had revealed a few days before. Your baby’s heart stopped beating a few days ago based off of its measurements.
Our song had stopped playing.
I didn’t want to accept it. And I couldn’t tell this man that I already knew you were gone. I wanted it to be a mistake. I wanted to experience you alive and well safe in my arms.
I wanted to hear our melody playing at your birth.
God had other plans. I have learned that I just don’t have the opportunity to understand everything that happens here on this earth. I don’t think he designed me capable of understanding it all.
But I do have the choice to trust his will for my life even when it hurts. I continue to have faith even when it’s hard to see what’s ahead. Someday, when I meet Jesus face to face, I will understand many things differently.
Be blessed in him today. Find comfort in his promises.
~Baring His Beauty,