Have you ever been so badly wounded by someone that you grieved at the same depths you did for a devastating death? A betrayal so hurtful you just could not ever imagine a rainbow ever reappearing after the soul-damaging storm?
The long road to recovery and forgiveness is brutal and this journey of the heart is not always a quick trip.
My head knows that no one is perfect. We are all fallible and fall short. We all say and do things we regret. My head knows people will disappoint us, but God never does.
I don’t want to walk this journey of forgiveness to recover from being wounded. I want to do like my kids did when they were little and grab God’s face with both my hands and give a deep eye-to-eye stare. I want God’s full attention!
My heart wants an instant miracle!
I want to say : “Look God, I need You! I am drowning here! I am hurt. It is not well with my soul! I am trying to forgive, I am trying to forget. I am trying to pray for those that hurt me and love them and live life but right now I am anything but fine! If You are counting all my tears and saving them in a bottle, I think You got more than you or I bargained for on this one.”
My head knows that God restores every heart that is broken. His word promises that.
However, healing takes time and restoration comes only in God’s perfect timing.
But right now, my heart is not too excited or happy about it. My heart is aching and I am just plain miserable. My heart feels like it got trapped and shipwrecked somewhere on a distant shore.
We are to forgive even when sometimes we don’t ever get the apology we hoped for or deserved.
God is the only One that rights our wrongs.
My heart wants the situation changed now, but My head knows the journey of the heart to forgiveness is not an easy or quick one.
The head knowledge that has to come first is this: forgiveness is the ultimate act of obedience to the Father.
He forgave us freely and commands us to forgive those who trespass against us.
The journey from head knowledge to heart knowing is a much longer and more tedious process. It is a long, winding and, at times, unsteady road. It takes time, tears, much prayer, and a constant surrendering of our jumbled-up, raw emotions to God.
There will be days you will feel like you can barely grasp enough air to keep breathing or the strength to even stand. That’s okay.
The fragments of your shattered and wounded soul, like the potholes or deep grooves on a rough road, are in the process of being slowly filled and smoothed away. Forgiveness is a process, not an instantaneous feeling.
It can’t be rushed.
Just as you have to navigate a rough road slowly, so is the same with the road to forgiveness. Each encounter with rough terrain can only be navigated from God’s perspective and with His help.
The restoration in the forgiveness process is something that only He can do to heal us properly.
Eventually, the road to recovery and to forgiveness is complete when the head knowledge is now your heart-knowing that God is the Great Restorer of all things broken.
The journey of the heart must be traveled in order to reach full forgiveness and wholeness again.
~ XXOO Michelle Bollom
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. – Psalm 56:8
It is true that you planned to do something bad to me. But really, God was planning good things. God’s plan was to use me to save the lives of many people. And that is what happened. -Genesis 50:20 ERV
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. -Matthew 6:14-15 NIV
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV
I will make their going easy, level the mountain road and smooth the path that leads them home. -Isaiah 49:11
I wrote this last year as a guest blog for Compassion That Compels and have revamped it to encourage others on this journey of the heart to forgiveness.
It is a journey so worth taking!