I read the other stories and thought, ” wow, my story was not as traumatic or painful as all those, what will I share?
But I remembered one thing, that’s that we all have times in our life when Jehovah God has pulled us through the jaws of death. And I’ll share my story..my testimony. Thank you Restored Ministries for this opportunity.
My name is Bupe Chikumbi. I’m 20 years old and live in Zambia. I’m the first in a family of 6 children. My parents are the most loving, most caring people I know. They are really amazing. And have taught me a lot about life and God.
Growing up, my parents were always struggling with finances and so even though they provided the basic needs, I felt like I lacked “the good things” that my friends were able to enjoy. Although we were a Christ loving, God fearing family, for some reason I always felt inadequate. But then I gave my life to Christ and thought it will be well.
As my teen years progressed, I started recalling all the memories of my childhood and suddenly developed resentment towards my mother. I felt horrible for feeling this way, but I blamed her for a lot of things that took place in my life. In my culture it is a normal practice for parents to beat their kids and during my childhood, that was the only way parents knew how to discipline their kids. Them and everyone else who raised me.
But for some reason, that didn’t settle well with me. As I got older I realized that I had been physically and verbally abused and the scars it left in my heart and on my body shaped a huge part of my teen years. Through time, the bitter memories of my childhood took a strong grip on my life. I asked myself what kind of a parent would hit their kids till their feet swelled and till they were in so much pain that crying was no longer an option? So I started having depressive thoughts( the first in many).
I was always depressed, I lost interest in nearly all activities. I began to hate myself, I felt like I was a horrible child or else why would they treat me that way?.. I wanted to do what everyone with issues did-drugs, but was too scared to do so. I was a christian and loved Jesus Christ, Somehow while my peers went into drugs, sex, a self physical abuse, I decided to draw, write, paint and learn new skills. This worked for a while. It was then that I learned to play piano and discovered I could write poems on how I felt. I didn’t know a lot about Gods grace, but I knew that a life of sex and drugs was not what I wanted.
However due to lack of knowledge of Gods grace, my depression turned to eating disorders and finally into suicidal thoughts. I cried myself to sleep all the time, I wanted to die but was scared to end my life.
Nonetheless, God had a beautiful plan for me and one day He led me to a Christian channel and I watched my first pastor Joseph Prince sermon. I felt at peace, I felt loved.. As he went on talking about Gods love, His grace and forgiveness.. My heart got excited and I knew that I needed more. I went on to watch more of his Christ amplifying sermons and soon I was taught about forgiveness and love.
In some strange way, the concept of forgiveness suddenly made sense. I forgave everyone who hurt me in the past. I’ve learned that I can remember the event but I’ve let go of the pain of it. It was so refreshing and God restored the lost relationship with my parents. His grace was surely sufficient, He gave me back the love for my self and also taught me to love others. Currently, my mother is like my best friend, our relationship has totally been restored.
I have a new love for Jesus Christ and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I’m greatly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved by Daddy God. These days even on a bad day, I’ve learned to cast all my cares on Him. I always say, ” I can’t Lord, but You can. This is your battle.”
One of my favorite portions of scripture is Psalms especially the 116 th Psalm. ” The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon, I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord; “. O Lord, save me!.”
“..when I was in great need He saved me, be at rest once more my soul for the Lord has been good to you, for He has delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears and my feet from stumbling..”
I know I’m young, but the great love God has poured into my heart, I’ll never forget. I know that His righteous right hand will always hold me up. I’m so excited to see what else He has in store for me. I spend most of my time with my family and siblings. We pray and read the bible together.
I recently felt depressed again but God still pulled me through. I was on YouTube watching a Jesus culture song and because I was so sad, I posted a sad comment on the channel. You would think God would ignore, but not our God! He still sent a saint by the name of Denver Rose to bring me back into His light, to remind me that He is for me. I love the Lord. I took a screen shot because I want to remember that kind act forever!
I’m currently in my second year of university studying biomedical sciences. I use my free time writing poems on my blog GraceScandalPoetry, on which I want to share how God is still in the midst of whatever we go through.
Psalm 23 says even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me.
~ Bupe Chikumbi
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