“God said to Moses, ‘“I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: I Am has sent me to you.’” Exodus 3:14 NIV

This is the time,” I thought. My loved one needed help and it was my turn to help him. After three weeks of steady improvement, his pain, shame and suffering became too great and he chose to discontinue the process towards healing.

My heart was broken in spite of my desire of change for his life and my love for him.

As I processed through my emotions and the perceived defeat, these questions emerged. What more could I have done? Was there something I didn’t provide him?

But then other questions came.
Was I grieving for my loved one or myself?

Whose victory was it supposed to be?


The exhaustion of the night’s emotional roller coaster left me weary. My inability to fix the situation weighed heavily on my heart.

Jesus understood – He was grieving too.

With the new dawn, I was struck with the beautiful colors within. There was an urgency to be in the presence of the Lord. I wanted to be as close to him as possible and he was calling me from within the colors of His sunrise. So I hurried towards the sun. I literally got in my car and pursued him block after block to the end of the road, and met him by the river.

His radiance reminded me of His love for all of us, including my loved one. Despite weariness and the things which came against us, Jesus wanted to tell me that He still reigns. He still is.

I was allured again and again, staring into His beauty. I could see that I wasn’t alone in my pain. He was talking to me saying, “Even when your heart is weary, I AM ahead of you. When things get really tough, I AM here.”

Everywhere I turned that morning I could see him. He was everywhere saying, “Even when you don’t feel me near, I AM still there, because that is who I AM.”

~Baring His Beauty 

  Tiffany Thomas