Cursed To Cause

  
I Spent Days in the Crack House.

I can remember what the crack house smells like. I can remember what it looks like. I spent time there because my mom was what most people would consider a CRACK HEAD. When your mother is a drug addict if you have a younger siblings you become the parent at a very early age.  

When your mother is a drug addict you long for her love and you often get angry at her because she can’t love you back. When your mother is a drug addict you tell other people that she can’t come around because she’s working- when in fact she doesn’t really have a job. When your mothers a drug addict you blame yourself for her short falls. When your mother is a drug addict you live in fear wondering if you will become a drug addict too.

You see I lost my mother to drugs my 2nd semester in college. I asked GOD why…why did he give me those cards? Why was my mother a drug addict? Why did she die? 

He made this very clear… She was the medium that he used to get me to earth. I said okay GOD; but why did you take her from me. He said “Lereca if you experience a loss, just know I will bless you with something greater!” My latter will be greater! I receive it! 

GOD knew I would be willing to share my story/ her story. I am freed from the bondage that I experienced from not having my biological mother. Hopefully this story will offer freedom to someone else. 

God is humorous. He blessed me with my mom’s greatest assets: her ability to tell stories and her smile.    

What one might have considered my CURSE is now my CAUSE. This is why I smile. I learned to LOVE me…all of me. ~Lereca Monik 

#11AMSmile #LearningToLoveYourself #anewme #anewyou #lerecasmiles #itstimeforachange #liverestored #maven2016 #youreign

The Depths Of Love

  
We, though, are going to love – love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. 1 John 4:19 MSG

Recently, my oldest daughter sent me a text message with a picture of a mother and daughter. She stood on the left and the ‘elderly’ one on the right, was me. Of course, she apologized for that, smiling with her sweet sarcasm.

Then it went on to say how grateful she was to have a mom, like me, and revealed that she never realized how much a mother went through, until she became one.

How great it would be if I could just stop right there. Period. End of story.

It would be great if I could write from the wisdom of that wonderful mother who always had it together, never got upset or created unmet expectations; that mother that ALWAYS loved in the way God loves. However, this simply is not the case. That was not my story. It never was. Not even close. If I had done all of those things, there would be no reason to reflect now, with you, upon my very real imperfections, my persistent hurts and the changes which are now working to refine my life.

I remember finding out I was pregnant for the first time. I was elated, curious and scared, all at the same time. I didn’t know what I was heading into and I had no one to let me know how it was going to be.

Right after my daughter was born, I stared at her for days, probably weeks and months. Her beauty captured my heart with awe. I had not anticipated there could be another depth of love, until that moment. It was profound and fresh, it did not have limits or conditions and it arrived full-blown the moment she entered my world. My life was redefined by this love, which I never knew existed. Previously important things no longer had priority. Impulses of being a good mother bore heavily upon me as the fears of failing this beautiful little one was suddenly my reality. 

Yes, our lives together were filled with adversity, but I’ve come to realize that even though I loved her, more than life itself, I was predestined to fail her. My love was never as perfect as the One who loves without fail. I also now understand the reason that I can love at all is because Jesus first loved me. It was His gift to me, so that it might be my gift to her. It is His gift for you too. He wants to love each of us, so we may love each other.

To tell you the truth, even after these many years, I still find myself staring at my daughter in awe. I am so very thankful for the mother that she has become and for the depth of love she has received and shares with her brand new baby daughter.

My Beautiful Daughter 

Highs, lows, dips and turns, 

ends and new beginnings,

they continue just as they did, 

in the years when you were smaller. 

 

Times of disappointment will come, 

as well as love and forgiveness. 

Questions a daughter asks will bring

answers from a Mother’s heart.

Growth yields appreciation 

of a mother’s contributions  

Harder encounters, too 

yield bonds which endure.

That is what a daughter does, 

when she becomes a mother.

Breathing in deeply this new love, 

looking into her daughters eyes,

holding love close to her heart 

then walking with her 

when she’s grown older.

Now it’s possible to understand a love 

that comes first, from our Heavenly Father. 

 

It’s what a mother does 

when she gives birth to the love ~ a daughter. 

               ~Tiffany Thomas