Have you ever felt inadequate of God’s full attention, for his love, forgiveness, and direction?
Have you ever asked, “What can I do to get out of this dark place, how will he ever be able to forgive me?”
If there was a call for eligible participants entering into a contest titled, “Failed Too Many Times To Count,” I could run to be the first in line.
For much of my life, I felt like an unworthy soul.
I desperately wanted to find the heart of God, to be called by him.
I just didn’t know how to find the relationship I was looking for, nor did I know how to get there. Many years, I thought it was about achieving what I could do. At one point, that wasn’t enough, so my focus was performance being the way. Everytime, doubt would come and I would question if I was even loveable or forgivable.
Discouraged, I would get frustrated and stop trying for some time. Then I would find myself needing more, so I would try again. It was years of the woven woes. My heart never seemed to be at a place to hear God’s call. And the enemy made me feel certain I would fail, at that too, if it were a requirement.
After some time to heal, and mourn my own losses God called me up. Little did I know, he would call me towards his heart. He wanted to free me of my guilt and shame.
-NO MORE wasted years – He wanted my heart.
“You mean you want a relationship, with me, Lord?” Well, what is that exactly? You of anyone, already knows that I’m not the best at relationship, or at the least, do it well enough for you.”
Have you ever read about David’s life in the bible? He loved God with everything in him, yet he failed with the deepest wounds engraved upon his heart. They left him in the darkest emptiness. He wanted so badly to live out the heart he had for God. But his own shame and guilt was overpowering. His mourning for his sin was authentic and real. David learned God would not despise a contrite heart.
I’ve found, my own sin, doing that to me.
On one hand, it had robbed me of a life rich and full, in my God. On the other, It has brought my heart to be humbled, not only for myself, but also for others. It was never about what I couldn’t do. It was about who I could become in Christ, strengthened by the King.
I’ve discovered that being a failure leaves little room for rising above. To be able to get up and walk again, leaving darkness behind, means understanding the light that exists in completeness. In that fullness we find our heart, God’s heart and the example to pass on to others.
Mark 12:30 NIV
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’
This blessed me today, and I hope it blesses you too, my friend.
Continue to join me Tuesdays. I’d love to hear about your journey, where you discovered rising above, where you felt inadequate, or any prayers you may need to forge ahead. One thing I have learned is that when we can connect, being authentic and real, truth and learning become apparent. It has been one of the biggest blessings – other people’s testimonies. I learned I was never alone.
May we journey together as God calls us into his season.
Baring His Redemptive Beauty,
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