Every one of us needs prayer. Not one of us is exempt from needing His loving hand to move. While I eat my daily bread and am faith-filled, Spirit-filled, and KNOW whose I am, there are times that I, like every one of us, am weak. I found myself in one of those moments a couple of days ago. Thankfully, I knew it would pass. I always look to where my help comes from, and that day was no different. However, feelings of defeat, humiliation, resentment, and hopelessness were hovering. I knew that joy would come in the “mourning”, but until that moment would pass, I asked for intercession. I needed God to move…and fast.
As I praised Him and acknowledged Him, darkness sought to take me in. The invitation was clear as ever, and the temptation of accepting it was fierce. I made the decision to go there…but wasn’t allowed in. I resigned to complete hopelessness, with the entertainment of suicidal thoughts lingering, yet it would not and could not penetrate my spirit. My God of refuge and strength, His Holy Spirit within me, was and is truly armor not to be reckoned with. I’ve been welcomed to that place many times in the past, and He’s always plucked me from that abyss. This time was different. This time, I couldn’t stumble in, walk in, or even plummet through.
What does this mean? It means that the hope I have in Jesus, the KNOWING THAT I KNOW, remains despite “feelings”. Of course, I’ve known this for years, as God has proven himself to me time and time again. This time, however, the overwhelming force of His protective shield around me was as evident as the sky above.
Realizing that no matter how much pain I am in, no matter the depth of not understanding “why” things are the way they are, and in spite of sometimes feeling like God doesn’t like me and that I am continuing to be punished for things from so long ago, I can’t go to that place that seeks to devour me. I wanted to go there. I decided to go there. He would not let me. This was a revelation…I’d reached a new level.
Now, I celebrate. I celebrate that He continues to prove Himself to me, level after level. I celebrate that when I may think there can’t possibly be more and this may be “as good as it gets”, He shows Himself in a mightier way than ever before. I celebrate that I can ask for prayer and know that I have fellow warriors joining me. As we each come nearer to the Father, and as we each reach new levels of discovery in the journey of learning who He truly is, may we eagerly choose to stand with one another and celebrate together.❤