Glimmer -to shine in a weak, faint, or unsteady way.
Wow! What a definition! I would definitely have to say I have glimmered instead of shined lately.
What kicked of our New Year was a series of events and appointments that ended the first quarter of the year with some disturbing and life changing news for my family. It then culminated into a huge blow the first day of the second quarter. Ironically it was also April Fools Day, and I was really hoping someone was going to tell us that was what it was, just a great big ole joke or trick, but it wasn’t. As we struggled to just make short term plans and live in the day to day to get through Easter we were suddenly and abruptly shifted into a very long and emotional and grueling week.
Today I woke up exhausted but I felt like I could finally see the light at the end of this immediate tunnel. Not all the way around the bend and into the future tunnels, but the light at the end of this crazy ride. I could actually see some light and that was enough till we either continued to coast through or climbed our next incline.
I thought of the word “glimmer” and the saying “glimmer of hope”. I was thinking a glimmer is just a little bit, so it would mean like a pocket flashlight compared to a flood light. Or I think of the disco balls with all the little pieces of mirror working together to release the glimmering glow of light. So I looked up the word curious to see what it actually meant-and this is what it said… “to shine in a weak, faint or unsteady way.”
Wow. I sat speechless. (Which is very hard for me to do) Maybe that is exactly what God is trying to show me. No, I was not always shining brightly throughout all of this; I was just trying to survive. Sure I made some mistakes, I sinned, I got cross, I slung a few curse words, I complained, I stress ate some junk, I griped, I cried, but I never ever questioned God.
I was not shining as brightly as I maybe could have, but I was holding on to hope, even if only by a glimmer. I may be weak, faint and at times unsteady; But God never is.
As I sat here this morning in my glimmered state recalling God’s amazing hand working through all of this. I clearly see that through some of the worst of things He also brought the biggest of blessings.
When life kicks us in the gut and we double over with pain and try to catch our breath…. Guess what? God is still there…If you invite Him to be. When we rush around in our hurried and busy state and worry and reason and even go into “Fix It” mode or “pull the covers up and hide” mode or “too freaking stressed to deal” mode; we have not invited Him in to help us. When we worry we doubt God. Instead of trusting Him and surrendering our concerns to Him, we are saying, You are not enough, You are not capable, You don’t understand. You can’t fix this. Worry won’t ever change our circumstances, only God can. He does not ask us to understand it all. We are to trust and bear witness to this world that “My God is a Mighty God, He will carry me through this.”
Sometimes in our Faith we have to do it in “glimmer” increments. (Weak, faint, and unsteady) until we are strengthened by God to shine brightly again with an unshakeable faith.
Our Faith does not always have to look squeaky clean. We are human and not perfect. Sometimes life happens and what interrupts our normalcy is Poop! You know the old saying….Yes- Poop still happens!
Things can change in a heartbeat, in a flash of a second, it is not convenient, we don’t know which way is up, we want to lay down and give up, but we just hold on to that glimmer of hope. We cling to Jesus. We just glimmer until we can shine. Invite God to do the heavy lifting. Ask Him to guide and direct and give you wisdom for just the next moment. He is faithful. He is there waiting. Invite Him in …stop worrying…. and Glimmer on!
XXOO, Michelle Bollom