Recently, my partner and I started praying together over having a child. He was asking God to open up his heart to become a father and I was praying to God asking Him to heal the pain in my heart of infertility. We were both asking God to put His will for a family in our hearts; our hearts and desires remain divided.
Our relationship is so wonderful, but this one issue remains the painful division between us.
As a couple, we have been a bit “unequally yoked” to an extent. I was raised in the church and my faith remains a vital part of my life and he was raised in the church, but his faith has never been a focus more than the holidays. Praying together has been a bit of an interesting and wonderful journey together. We have become closer as a couple and I have been able to watch his heart open to understand the love affair possible with God. In 6 weeks I have watched him move from feeling a bit uncomfortable with praying out loud to offering to lead us in prayer.
In 6 weeks we have had more challenge and pain thrown at our relationship than we have had in our entire time of knowing each other as friends or as being partners. We have delt with dishonesty, vindictive ex’s and emotional assault on us as a couple and individually. We have been to hell and back; while we have always been wonderful at turning into each other during bad times, we have not grown as individuals during that time. Prayer has kept us focused on being a team and not enemies. There is still a great deal of pain and it doesn’t look like it is coming to an end in the near future.
Truth be told, we came to the end of our 45 day period of prayer and we are still praying together. We are still far from being on the same page when it comes to having a child and my heart still aches for a child. As a woman, the pain of being childless is more than I know how to deal with. I am a bit jealous that God is working in his life to transform him and leaving my pain unresolved. I spend hours a day begging God to heal my heart and I feel that God has been silent. Yet, he is also answering a prayer I have had…the prayer of asking God to have my future husband to fall in love with him.
I am aware that God does his best work when he is silent. I feel it and I am seeing my wonderful partner is not only falling in love with God, but happily dealing with his past scars on his heart to make us stronger. God is making him into the leader in my life that I have asked God for since I was a little girl.
So, I wait….I wait to hear His voice, feel His healing and His arms rock away the pain in my heart.
God knows what is best for me and so, I shall be happy to sit and wait upon Him.
~ Amy Tippins