Submit-to yield oneself to the power or authority of another.
I was not a submissive wife. I basically wore the pants. It was not that my husband chose or even allowed for me to wear the pants in our family when we got married; it was more that I was such a control freak that I grabbed them from him before he ever had a chance to put them on! My husband was painfully shy when we first met, I loved that about him. I however, had outgrown my shyness and had become accustomed to being in control and independent for several years before I married him when I was 26 years old. I liked things done my way and so I took over control of everything. Many times over the years I would force my control with anger, pouting, and rage. I could out scream and out last him so basically I forced his release of everything over to me. Sadly as I took over all the power I also dismissed all his authority. That is a huge mistake we women make. We want our husbands to be the leader and heads of our households, but we don’t like to release control. We complain that they aren’t leading the way we want but we have not allowed them to lead. It creates chaos and tension. I know I was not an easy person to get along with. It was my way or the highway. My shy husband allowed me to rage on for a few years, but then as we both decided to really live our lives by a Biblical Worldview, and start obeying God’s word, I knew I had to stop dishonoring him. When we really began to live by what the Bible says, our household took on a great shift.
My husband started taking back his rightful head position. He did not do it in a mean way or in a big blow up kind of way. No, it was more little by little he would begin to disagree with me and started to tell me exactly why I was wrong or how to look at something from his perspective. He would not let me pout or rage or get angry anymore. He would stop me in my tracks and tell me I was wrong. At first I can tell you I did not like it at all! As God continued to work on both of us in all the areas we needed a little polishing, the area I resisted most, well you guessed it, was “Submitting.”
Two years ago I stopped working outside the home again. I had been feeling the Holy Spirit working with me on being more loving and fully submissive to my husband. I always cringed at those scriptures on submitting, but now I desired to learn to submit fully to my husband. I asked God to show me simple ways to start doing that. The first thing I felt the Lord ask me to do was to make his lunch every day. That was a way to serve him and honor him. Next the Lord started to have me communicate or ask him permission before I made purchases, or wanted to do something with my girlfriends. I even started to consult him on how to parent our twins and how to handle other various aspects of running our household. I also stopped screaming and arguing. I am sure he was in shock when I started doing this. I know he must sit back some days thinking Wow God; You really are in the miracle business!
God continues to do a great work in the both of us. It was not that my husband wanted to change things to upset me, and he never abuses his power or authority over me, he just needed to take his rightful place as the head of our home and be convinced that I believed he was in authority of me and that I honored him. God designed the family structure really rather simple and basic as stated in the bible. Once I started to see these verses on submitting not as a cringe but as a confirmation that when I heed the word of God on this subject, then our household is functioning the way God designed. It runs much smoother and is filled with more peace. The Holy Spirit is in our home and our marriage because we are learning to submit and respect each other by submitting first to God and His word.
Do I always get it right? Nope, I don’t even come close sometimes. We will all fall short and that is when I so appreciate Grace! My husband and God recognize that I am trying to be obedient to this whole submission thing and that I have made huge strides in that area. It takes time, but I keep on submitting and loving and asking and honoring and making one sandwich at a time. ~XXOO Michelle Bollom
Instructions for Christian Households
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord.
Colossians 3:18-20New Living Translation (NLT)
Wives, place yourselves under your husbands’ authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord’s authority.[a]23 The husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. It is his body, and he is its Savior. 24 As the church is under Christ’s authority, so wives are under their husbands’ authority in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. 26 He did this to make the church holy by cleansing it, washing it using water along with spoken words. 27 Then he could present it to himself as a glorious church, without any kind of stain or wrinkle—holy and without faults.
Ephesians 5:22-27 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)