Your Child’s Identity


What is your mommy purpose?

Is it to survive the day? Shower before nap time? To have a clean house?
To make your kid eat veggies?

Now take a step back. What is your one overarching goal for your child?

I’m sure many of you have great ones. Some folks just want to figure out the whole couponing system and some of you may not have a goal at all.

I’ll share mine.

Currently my children rely on me for guidance and instruction. My goal is to have my children grow in their relationship with Christ so that they rely of Him and grow in relationship with Jesus. More of Jesus and less of me. Eventually, they will leave my home and I want them rooted with Christ when they do.

Every correction points to Jesus. Every encouragement is in relation to Jesus.

Any helicopter moms out there? I love the early years. I knew every experience my son had. He would point to a random object and say bla bla. I’d respond with “Yes it looks just like the butterfly from your new book”.

Flash forward 13 years and it’s just plain weird. I don’t want or need to know his every thought. If I did I’d be looking forward to a 50 year old man still living with mom completing his sentences. Ladies, that’s not healthy.

Let’s discuss the gift of identity for our children. So they truly know who they are so they can respond from that identity.

Example: Pornography is not allowed in my home. I take appropriate mommy action by telling my 13 year old what it is (yes we had that talk) and why it’s harmful to his mind and body. We fully discuss how God views him and how pornography halts God’s plan for him.

In addition, open the lines of communication (no matter how awkward) and talk about it regularly. Casual comments about TV, media, and clothing. My families favorite line of mine is “modest is hottest” I saw it on a T-shirt. Please feel free to use it often.

My goal to help set within each of my children their identity so that when negative temptations and peer pressures come, they will know it is wrong because it goes against who they are in their identity with Christ not breaking their super strict parents’ rules. So I want my son to say no to internet porn because he knows it will change the chemistry of his brain not because his mom has a rule against it. God gave us rules to protect us we need to share the rules and protection with our children.

The same method of speaking their identity into them can be done to clarify their gifts, talents and love language.

First, I discover where God has gifted them. Then I speak into that truth. If they are resourceful I say…”Daughter you remind me of Ruth. She was loyal and able to find food where others couldn’t.” OK many times its a total stretch, but I get to share the gospel stories and build them up at the same time. Win Win

I speak truth to correct…
If my son is tattling on a fiend, I speak truth into his identity saying God has made you very insightful and aware of the world around you. That is a gift. Use your gift to tell people about the good you see them doing, not the negative.

Encourage the identity God gave them.

My daughter has an intense personality. She is wildly loving and equally explosive. When she is older I want her on my side in any conflict. This is how God made her. He didn’t make her like me (I’m a people pleaser who dislikes conflict). She’s not at all concerned if her actions are not pleasing someone and I think she likes the drama. Instead of trying to change her God given identity. She was born this way! I encourage the Christ in her. I don’t lie and tell her how sweet she is acting. I speak truth by telling her how wonderfully passionate God has made her. One night was telling the kids the story of Shadrack, Meshack and Abendago. My son responded to the story saying “wow mom if that ever happens to me, I hope I’ll have the faith not to bow down. my daughter looks at him weird and says If that ever happens to me (insert head bobbing), I’d kick that statue down and beat it up. (Yes, I want her on my side in the nursing home).I constantly speak truth and tell her how God has poured passion into her and how He loves her passion. Her passion is a God given gift. I’m also trying to soften her edges, because that’s the mom he made me to be.

Give your children the gift of who they are in Christ. Show them that they were fearfully and wonderfully made. They are not an accident. They were made by God and He will use them to accomplish great things for his Kingdom.

I’ve been a mommy for 13 years. The most challenging and rewarding part for me is learning how God has gifted each child, then with that knowledge speak life into each child so they can live out of their giftings and not their weaknesses. ~ Marina Wright

“My child, obey the teachings of your parents.” ~Proverbs 1:8

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. ~ Proverbs 22:6 NLT